StressPenguin - Squeezin' the crap out of black and white thinking.

The Bible Doesn't Say Things.

2011-06-27T01:22:00.004-05:00

My Interweb United Methodist friend, John Meunier, wrote a neat post about the United Methodist Doctrine regarding the Holy Scriptures. You should go and read it. It's good. No seriously, go ahead, I'll wait.

UMC Doctrine: The Bible

Did you read the comments? This is my response to what both John and the commenters wrote:

Ever wonder why the Articles from the MEC lists out the books of the Old Testament? Because the canon of scripture wasn't yet settled at the time of its writing. Also notice that Lamentations didn't make the cut? (don't worry, at that time it was considered a part of Jeremiah). However, today the church still can't decide what "The Bible" is. The Southern Baptist Convention just voted to boycott the NIV2011. Most mainline Protestants wouldn't be caught dead toting around the King James Version. So are they not the Bible? Only the Greek and Hebrew, then? Or perhaps only the autographs? (that's the original writings, for non bible nerd.) What about the Apocrypha? Oh, but which Apocrypha? More Christians on the planet include those pesky extra books in their canon than not. So tell, me, what is THE Bible?

I've come to hate the phrase, "the Bible says." Mainly because what follows usually includes someone's interpretation of "The Bible" rather than what is simply written. And while we're on the subject, the Bible doesn't say anything. It's a book. I know that many would consider it a silly semantic argument, but books don't say anything. Their authors do. And when we get the book confused with the author (and I consider God to be the chief author), we run a major risk of idolatry.

Take a look at those articles/confession. Their authors never claim that the Bible SAYS anything.

The scriptures contain [that which was put in them].

Whatever is read therein (not whatever it says).

Both in the Old and New Testament everlasting life is offered to mankind by Christ (by Christ, in--or through--the scriptures).

The Holy Bible...reveals the Word of God so far as it is necessary for our salvation. It is to be received through the Holy Spirit (the Holy Bible is NOT the Word of God ['cause that's actually Jesus] but reveals the Word to us as it is received by both its human authors and its human readers through the Holy Spirit.)

Additionally, the article is written that, "The law given from God by Moses" (and didn't drop magically out of the sky. Moses and others wrote it all down. We seem to have a team of authors, though God is the chief author.)

My friend Bobby Ray likes to say it like this:

The Bible was divinely inspired (He acts out the scene, as he furrows his brow and scratches his beard in thought, closes his eyes in prayer, opens them, and then writes a little bit), it was not divinely inspired (his head lolls back facing the ceiling, and with his eyes rolled back in his head, he scribbles manically.)

So please stop saying the Bible says things. It sounds really silly to non-believers (and to this believer). The Bible is a thing, and is not to be worshiped; though it is perhaps the most powerful thing we have that points to the divine persons to be worshiped.

Economics of the Kingdom

2011-04-28T11:33:00.003-05:00

This is my response to what Mark Beeson, lead pastor of Granger Community Church (A United Methodist congregation) set out in the premise of this blog post: How do we talk about our national debt?

But first, a clip from the most brilliant episode of South Park, ever.

Margaritaville
Tags: SOUTH
PARK more...

Now, as someone who has studied social theory, I feel the need to point out a very common misunderstanding of the definition of communism.

Communism is an economic system in which the ownership of the means of production is held by the people, where then the people use a democratic political system decide how to use what it has produced.

That being said, there has never been a communist nation in modernity, despite how a nation may choose to label itself. Democratic communism does, however, work in small communities such as a Kibutz.

Socialism is trickier. Social theorist Karl Marx originally conceived it to be a transitional state between feudalism or capitalism and communism, but some social theorists have proposed political/economic systems by which a socialist economic system can be bypassed. The problem that has historically risen is that Marxist socialism has called for a revolution and, "dictatorship of the proletariat." Which sounds great--the people rising against corrupt markets and governments to take control of their own lives--until you realize that once the proletariat rises against the bourgeoisie, they realize why the bourgeoisie was so reluctant to give up their position in the first place. That's why we have the Castro family in charge of Cuba for so long. The same goes for all other CINOs (communists in name only).

Due to fallen human nature, all humanly conceived political/economic systems eventually fragment society where a small portion of the population has the lion's share of power and money. We are living it out in our representative democracy that employs a hybrid capitalist/socialist economic system (For the record there's has never been such thing as pure capitalism; as soon as there's a law about money, a political system has adopted a tenant of socialism).

Capitalism is no more Christian as socialism, communism, feudalism, or any combination of these economic systems. All of them have the potential to be used for or against the Kingdom.

My point to all of this is, there is no preferable economic system for a Christian other than theistic feudalism (Jesus is king, and he owns all of it) characterized by radical generosity and hospitality of the people of his Kingdom. We have to live that out incarnationally in whatever political/economic system we find ourselves. We cannot solve issues of justice through changing systems, but changing hearts, and through that, change the culture. The kingdom's economic system is: give yourself away.

This is what the Gospel says after Jesus feed more than 5,000 people.

Luke 9.23-25 - Jesus said to everyone, “All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow me. All who want to save their lives will lose them. But all who lose their lives because of me will save them. What advantage do people have if they gain the whole world for themselves yet perish or lose their lives?"

Now for more South Park.

Margaritaville
Tags: SOUTH
PARK more...

Kurt Boemler

2010-12-18T13:42:00.000-06:00

Kurt Boemler: "I connected Blogger to my http://flavors.me page - http://flavors.me/kurtboemler"

Unashamed

2010-07-01T13:00:00.005-05:00

My thumb hurts. I can't use it--the one on my left hand. I'm left handed. I have gout. The first time I had it was just after I turned 25. That was eight years ago. I woke up one morning and I thought I had broken my left ankle. In my sleep. It took a year and two more flare ups before the doctors stopped thinking of me as a clumsy drunk (I was going to the campus clinic) and actually considered that something medical might be wrong. Up until six months ago I thought I only got gout in my knees and ankles. But this winter I got it in my elbow. Yesterday it set in in my thumb.

Today, I have been married to Beth for four years. She is truly a saint and my relationship with her is a gift to me from God. I pray that for her, I am at least half of what she is to me. I'm older than Beth by seven years. The men in my family seem to die (or almost die) before the average age of American males. The women in Beth's family live into their late eighties and early nineties. Since Beth and I have been dating, it was obvious that my body is going to fall apart at a sooner date than hers.

I had to ask my wife of four years today to apply my deodorant for me. I can't grasp it in my left hand right now. I can't use my left hand for much of anything right now except to keep my watch from falling off of my wrist. It was humbling experience to stand there as she helped me do this simple task of reducing the amount that I will sweat today. But it wasn't humiliating. I don't know if I would have not been embarrassed four years ago to ask her to do this. Four years ago I might have just not put on deodorant and kept my right arm close to my body all day (which would have been awkward at the reception when we danced to Y.M.C. A).

Marriage is not just about humbling one's self to one's partner to help and to serve, but it is also about humbling yourself to be served. Perhaps marriage can help to take us back to the point in the Bible where the first people were with each other, naked and unashamed--a nakedness that extends beyond the physical and includes the entirety of the person, revealing the Imago Dei in which we were created to both others and ourselves.

God said it is not good for humans to be alone. Being alone does not make us less human, but outside relationships I'm not sure if we can know exactly who God is and who God is calling us to be.

Thanks be to God for the people in our lives through whom God reveals God's self to us.

Thanks be to God for Jesus who shows us what it means to be loving servants and friends to one another.

Thanks be to God for my relationship with Beth, without whom I'm not sure I'd be the person and Christian I have grown to be today.

Constructively Criticizing Proposed Changes to the Appointment System

2010-05-20T10:05:00.006-05:00

Just want to get this out in the open at the get-go:

There's a general understanding among some United Methodists that if one is a candidate for ordination, it is not one's place to criticize (even constructively) the denomination, its board, agencies, doctrine, or discipline. In accordance with my conscience, I respectfully disagree.

That being said, I'd like to respond to the article: Commission rejects clergy job guarantees

I'm not happy with the shift of more power to the top of the hierarchy.

Off the top of my head, this is what I'd like to see change if we're committed to this course of action:

The ability to opt out of the pension program.
A clear metric which can be adapted situationally to each unique pastor/parish pairing to measure clergy effectiveness. Effectiveness looks different in a deeply wounded small declining rural church as it does with a reasonably healthy mid-sized suburban church. For my internship at Perkins, I will write a learning covenant in which I will state my learning goals that has to be approved by a earning committee at the internship placement and the internship director. I'm then expected to meet those goals in a time specified. Perhaps a pastoral covenant should be developed at each charge with the Staff-Parish Relations Committee, the District Superintendent, and the pastor. What this means, is actually having a purpose behind charge conference paperwork and year end reports at the local church level.
Greater consideration of family situations in appointment making. My wife is most likely going to be the primary bread-winner in my household. I know of a clergy person who cannot commit to the interent because her husband is a M.D. committed to his call. Other considerations would be educational support for special needs chidden and medical consideration for immediate and extended family members under the car of pastors. Perhaps all or some of this is done in some Annual Conferences already.
Longer appointments. In other words, a guarantee of three years or more at a charge instead of the one-year-at-a-time model used now. From my understanding, bishops and District Superintendents are appointed that way (I'd look it up, but I foolishly packed my Book of Discipline, already).
Conference pay structure. This may be a peripheral issue, but I think that if the Cabinet is going to determine whether or not clergy persons have a job, then the Conference needs to pay our salaries. (This may also fix some of the issues behind the jacked-up clergy tax status.) Salaries would be supported by an apportionment line-item broken down for each congregation by a decimal or some other equitable means. This will allow greater flexibility in the appointment process, taking the size or financial strength of a congregation out of the equation. Thus, a pastor with significant gifts in rural church ministry can be appointed to a church that could currently only support a part time local pastor. This would better insure that a clergy person is truly being employed according to his or her graces.

Ultimately, what this committee's findings say to me is that the ordination process is completely broken. As long and involved as the process is, people are being ordained who are not effective clergy persons. Isn't the process of the DCOM, BOM, RIM program, and to some extent even our seminaries, supposed to determine clergy effectiveness? If the ordination process is not roken, then, what flaws within the way our denomination does church is breaking clergy.

As I see it, either ineffective clergy are being ordained, or something is happening in the course of ordained ministry that is negatively affecting clergy effectiveness. It seems odd to put all the blame and focus on the individual clergy person.

To those who are invested in this system, what say you?

Doctrinal Word Clouds

2010-04-17T14:36:00.007-05:00

Fun Fact: The "United" in United Methodist has nothing to do with our connectional nature. As one professor said, tongue in cheek, "United Methodists are about as united as Free Methodists are free." The "United" actually comes from the Evangelical United Brethren Church which merged with the Methodist Church in 1969.

Most people in the UMC have never heard of the Evangelical United Brethren. This is a sad thing.

In the merger, the doctrinal statements of both traditions were adopted by the UMC. The Methodists brought to the new church the Articles of Religion and the EUB brought the Confessions of Faith. The AR has 25 Articles that have been passed down exactly as John Wesley gave them to the Methodist Episcopal Church, with two extra ones that tagged along at from the 1939 Uniting Conferences. The CF had been modified to keep the language and understanding of the theology of the EUB current.

There's a website called Wordle that generates word clouds. The basic gist of it is, you enter a body of text in the word cloud generator and it produces an image made up of the words of the text. The more times a word is mentioned in a body of text, the bigger the word. check out what John 14.15-31 looks like.

The most frequently used words in the NRSV version of the text are Father, love, word, keep, and so on.

So what happens when we take then entire body of the Articles of Religion from the Methodist Church and put them in Wordle?

The words Christ, God, faith, sin, Book, and Supper, become prominent.

Now, lets see what happens with the Confessions of Faith from the Evangelical United Brethren.

Wozzers. Believe is just kinda out there, followed by God, Christ, Holy, Spirit, Christian, faith, power, Jesus, sin, grace, Baptism, and so on.

In the merger, the two were deemed compatible doctrinal statements (which I think is debatable), but there are definitely some major differences in emphasis. "Believe" is featured prominently in the EUB Confession, because due to its confessional nature, every article begins with the words, "We believe." The Methodist Articles are structured more like doctrinal statements. Other things I noticed were:

Trying to find the word "Jesus" in the AR is harder then in the CF.
"Baptism" is bigger in the CF and "Supper" is bigger in the AR. Could this be because of the Methodist strong connection to the Anglican tradition and the EUB connection to the German Pietist/Anabaptist traditions?
"God" is slightly larger than "Christ" in the CF, and "Christ" is slightly larger than "God" in the AR.
"Spirit" in the CF is more prominent than "Ghost" is in the AR.
Both lack inclusive language for humans.
"Repugnant" is such a cool word, but it's only found in the AR.

What are some things you notice?

White Man

2010-04-05T12:15:00.002-05:00

A Good Friday Prayer - Psalm 22

2010-04-02T23:30:00.002-05:00

My God, Our God, sometimes we find the words of your Son upon our lips:

Why have you forsaken me?

Why are you so far from helping us?

Do you not hear us calling out to you?

In long days and even longer nights, we cry out to you but so often we receive no answer; we find no relief.

The rest of the year we hear stories from your scripture of how others cried out and were saved.

But tonight we feel the full burden of our helplessness as we see Jesus,our friend, our brother, mocked, scourged, and killed upon the cross.

Those of the world mock us for believing in what seems like foolishness, that God became like us to be killed for all our wrongdoing.

You are the God of our childlike faith, but now that we are older, doubt assails us from all sides.

Those who do not believe in you grow in boldness every year.

Our bodies and minds age and fail us.

Our nation struggles economically.

Nations war against nations—people against people.

Suffering and death surround us.

Civility passes by the way side.

Friends turn against friends.

Religious communities are rend apart.

Hypocrisy abounds.

In our darkest days the Evil One works in our midst scattering us as the disciples were.

But into your hands, O Lord, we commend our entire selves.

We trust in your Son.

We trust in what we memorialize this day, his mighty act on the cross.

Even when we cannot hear your voice, sense you are listening, or feel your presence, we trust and know you are with us, that you hear our cries to you, and that you continue to speak to us through your Holy Spirit.

So we praise you together as a congregation.

We tell the story of your love to all we can, in every way we can, for as long as we can, so that people from around the world may turn to The Christ--the one who has freed us from the power of sin and death.

Gratuitous Cat Post

2009-12-22T09:23:00.003-06:00

We have three cats. If you don't care about cats, then there's nothing to see here. Move along, move along...

The cat thing started like this: We moved into the parsonage and that day, an emaciated pathetic yellow cat sat at our back door and meowed at us. I looked at Beth and said, "That cat is not coming inside, no matter how pathetic it looks." I'm allergic to cats. But that night, Beth couldn't find me--because I was outside petting the cat. That was on Wednesday. By Friday I told Beth I was taking the cat to the vet to get all the requisite shots to bring him inside. It took a year before my immune system adapted (my lower eyelids would get puss-filled; gross, I know). Turns out, he was the last pastor's cat who ran away when they started moving. Since being taken in, he has gone to great lengths to make sure he'll never be hungry again and has grown to be about 17 pounds (he was over 18 before we put him on a diet last year). That was Wesley. He's more my cat than Beth's. He purrs loud and hard and is just a sweet cat all around.

A few months later, our Lay Leader came to a church baseball game with a new kitten that she got from a litter her sister cat had--and there were still more kittens to give away. So we took one to be Wesley's friend. That didn't work out so well. We had to take Luther with us to Springfield when we went to homecoming because we were afraid Wesley might eat him. He used to be very brave and bold, but after a traumatizing incident with the mattress delivery men, he's the biggest scaredy cat (he was hiding under the bed and then they took the bed). He spends a lot of time under the bed, but will come out if you make him a cave out of pillows. Luther's a jumper. I've gone out to the kitchen in the morning and have found things left on top of the refrigerator knocked to the floor. He is thoroughly Beth's cat--not to say he doesn't like me, cause he does. But he LOVES Beth. He's very playful; he plays both peek-a-boo, plays chase, and does somersaults while chirping all the way.

I found Merdock last September in the parking lot of the church after a church council meeting. We were in the fellowship hall and I had seen him walk back and forth a few times in front of the glass doors. After everyone had left, while I was locking up, I saw him huddled in the middle of the lot. I walked up to him, scruffed him and picked him up saying, "What's your deal, little guy?" When I turned him around, I saw that one of his eyes was building out of his head and the other was collapsed in. My heart broke. I took him to the house and put him in a cardboard box full of litter. He staggered around and was suffering from diarrhea. Beth and I decided to take him to the vet to have him euthanized. Since it was his last night on earth, I gave him a can of the good cat food. The next morning we found that he had eaten nearly 1/2 pound of cat food (he wasn't any more than 3.5 lbs). He was a different cat; his waste was solid and he was coordinated and lively. We took him to the vet to find out about his eyes and to get him healthy. Turned out he had bacterial feline chlamydia that can be passed on from the mother at birth. The plan was to get him healthy and find him a home or take him to a no-kill shelter. Beth said that two cats was plenty, but I wanted to keep him. Since I was in school, Beth ended up having to take care of him, giving him his medicine and feeding him and making sure he was sequestered away from the other cats until he was curred of all communicable diseases. Then one night, after Beth had given Merdock his eye medicine, he crawled up in her lap and went to sleep. Neither Wesley nor Luther were lap cats at the time; this broke Beth's heart and I got to keep the cat. He maneuvers about the house as if he could see (When excited, he sometimes runs into walls). Because he climbs and can't jump to get up on things, he's built like a bulldog with huge shoulders and tiny back legs.

Turns out, Merdock was six months old when we took him in. he was just so malnourished that he was so small. When we took him in, he had a cat face, not a kitten face, and a full set of adult teeth. In the next three months he put on 9 lb. Merdock is the alpha cat. This doesn't make sense until you realize that cats establish dominance through staring. Merdock orients his head toward whatever he's attending too so he can hear and feel (with his whiskers) what's ahead of him. The other cats try to stare him down, but you can't stare down a blind cat. Plus, because his front legs are so powerful, when he wrestles with the other cats, they can't get loose--he latches on and bites their faces. He's our most playful as he has to be physical to really interact with us. He'll wrestle and fight my hand, and loves crawling up on us to nuzzle our faces.

The first two are obviously named after John Wesley and Martin Luther (we feed three outside cats, too, named Fletcher [after Methodist theologian John William Fletcher] Suzie [after John Wesley's mom, Susanna] and Sam [after John Wesley's dad]). Merdock was blind and had a tendency to jump [blindly] from heights (from your arms, the top of the washing machine, etc.). There's a Marvel superhero named The Daredevil: The man without fear. The character happens to be blind, and is name is Matt Merdock. So we named our last cat after the Daredevil, as he is the cat without fear.

That's the story of our cats. Hope I didn't bore you too greatly.

It's In You.

2009-12-15T08:51:00.008-06:00

Jeremy Smith is talkin' 'bout this new thing called Seven Hills Theology. I get a bit freaked out anytime someone develops some new religious idea out of some obscure verse reference out of Revelation, but that's just me. It's what I would call--using Jeremy's parlance--a bad hack.

Anyway, this seven hills theology works like this.

To establish The Kingdom of God on the earth, we must claim and possess The Seven Mountains of Culture, namely: Business, Government, Religion, Family, Media, Education and Entertainment. - Jeremy Smith quoting a seven-mountaineer.

Now, I can see if you were one of those folks who thinks that God predestines some to be saved and others to be damned that this would make sense (those folks would be called Calvinists). The Kingdom of God would obviously need to be advanced by acquisition of power to subject the damned to the laws of the Kingdom of God. That way all the saved Christian people don't have to put up with the fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy,drunkenness, and carousing of those poor saps to whom God didn't hand out a free ticket to heaven.

If you can't tell, I don't like this perspective. At all.

Now, according to Wesley's sermon, "The Way to the Kingdom," the Kingdom of God exists within those who Christ indwells by the Holy Spirit. This goes back to the old notion that wherever the king is, there is his kingdom. Wesley believes both that God desires everyone to be saved by coming into a loving relationship with him through Jesus AND that free will has been restored to all people (by God) to call on Jesus for salvation or not. So rather than Christians forcefully taking control of the so-called Seven Mountains and imposing the Kingdom, God grows the kingdom person by person. And the Kingdom is wherever you see people living out the love of God exemplified by joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I hesitate to use a consumerist-based analogy, but its a bit like the difference between a hard sell by a pushy salesman and viral marketing where the consumers advertise the product themselves because they truly believe in it. But The Kingdom is much more than a product. It's a relationship with Jesus that changes people from the inside out, 'cause if the Spirit of the King dwells inside of me, wherever I go, the Kingdom is literally at hand. Its not about taking control of the existing systems by force of will, and making it into the Kingdom of God, its about building a new Kingdom, person by person...relationship by relationship. And all are invited to be a living part of that Kingdom through their friendship with the King, not harshly ruled over by the tyranny of God's subjects.

Why Do We Go Home?

2009-12-14T13:51:00.008-06:00

At the end of John's account of the Gospel, Mary Magdalene finds the tomb of Jesus empty and runs to tell the other disciples that his body had been stolen. When Peter and the "disciple that Jesus loved" arrive at the tomb, they discover that it is empty just as Mary said.

I have come to believe that "the disciple Jesus loved" or the Beloved Disciple is a multifaceted character. I believe that he may represent in some way the eye witness account of part of Jesus' ministry. That he did not write the fourth Gospel account, but was the bearer of the stories that were later recorded by an evangelist in what scholars now call the Johannine community. In other words, the Beloved Disciple is a true character in the Gospel account and a real historical person who was actually there. I do not think he is John bar Zebedee.

But more importantly, I believe that the Beloved Disciple is a null set. The evangelist is a brilliant writer and employs a vast array of literary tools throughout his/her/their Gospel account. In several instances, there are major characters in the Fourth Gospel who are not given names. In these cases, the reader is drawn directly into the story, invited to put himself or herself in the place of the unnamed character, be it the Samaritan woman at the well or the man born blind, An argument can be made that the same goes for Lazarus and Nicodemus. These null set characters can be played like Mad Libs, inserting your own name into the story. So what happens when we become the Beloved Disciple?

First, we find ourselves reclining on the chest of Jesus as he shares his last meal with the disciples before his crucifixion. Next we find ourselves at the feet of Jesus on the cross, as he tells us that his mother is now our mother. Then we find ourselves running to the tomb to discover that it's empty.

Then we go home.

There's no wonder, no excitement. Not even fear or confusion or depression. We see something amazing and then we just go home. They say that every Sunday is a little Easter where we celebrate the fact that the tomb is empty, but then when the service is over (and it better be before noon), we all just go home. Sure, the tomb is empty, but our reaction is more like someone has stolen the body rather than Jesus has been resurrected. And so we go home. We go back to our lives as if nothing is different.

Sure, Jesus shows up in the upper room that evening and again a week later, but again, nothing changes.

The next time we find ourselves in the place of the Beloved Disciple, we're on a boat fishing when the miraculous occurs. Why is it only now that we see the risen Christ? What can move us, like the Beloved Disciple, to tell the story of Jesus to others?

What gets lost between seeing the empty tomb and sharing the story of salvation? What sort of miraculous catch do we need to experience before we follow Jesus? Why do so many of us that call ourselves disciples just go home?

Friday Five: Soon and Very Soon.

2009-12-11T13:01:00.006-06:00

You can play here: Friday Five: Soon and Very Soon.

Please share five ways that God has come to you (your family or friends, your church or workplace, our world) in the past year, that God is coming to you right now, and/or that you are longing and looking for God to come.

1. The most significant way God came to me this year was at the ending of a 18-month-long dark night of the soul. What that is, is a period of spiritual darkness where one has no sensation of the presence of God. Prayer seems pointless; it feels like no one is listening and, naturally, no one is responding. Communion is just bread and grape juice. Sermon writing and preaching seems mechanical. And so on. Its not a fun place to be, but like anything we strive against, it is a spiritually strengthening place.

So, I'm sitting on the couch in my office reading A Second Resurrection by Bill Easum for my evangelism class. Then out of the blue, I physically/spiritually felt the full weight of all my sins upon me. It knocked me off the couch to the floor--I couldn't breathe. Then a began to sob. Not crying, but body shaking sobs of pure despair. And in the midst of all that pain--in the midst of 18 months of spiritual loneliness, I cried out to Jesus for help. To save me. To show me what he wanted me to do. And just like that, the weight was gone. I felt it lifted off of me, and my soul was borne up within me. It was my Aldersgate experience. Just as Wesley expressed in his journal, I too ,"felt I did trust in Christ alone for salvation; and an assurance was given me that He had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death."

2. A week or two before my Adersgate experience, I had a vivid dream in which I believe God was preparing me for that event. I remember being in the ocean between a large ship and an iceberg. On top of the iceberg was a friend of mine from seminary, Chris. He kept talking about sharks being in the water trying to panic me, but I assured him that the water was too cold for sharks (Though deep inside, I was really panicking about what might be under the dark waters that could eat me.) Then he fell from the top of the iceberg and sunk into the water. I went after him, sinking quickly to save him, but when I got to him, I kept sinking faster and faster into the cold and dark.

I think that the towering smooth side of the ship and the enormous looking iceberg represented all that I had in my life that was insurmountable. There would be no way I could climb out of the water by myself to safety. So I was resigned to living miserably in the cold dark waters. Chris represented myself; he voiced all my fear, and panic and anxiety, while I tried to keep my cool. But when he fell into the waters, I feared losing myself. The state of fear in which I lived was horrible, but comfortable in its familiarity. Therefore, I sunk after him to save him. But then I went deeper and deeper, unable to save him or myself. I think the water was strongly representative of baptismal imagery, of dying to oneself. God was also present in Dr. Elaine Heath who helped me interpret this dream.

3. This summer, after worship at St. Anne's Cathedral in Belfast, Ireland, our group toured the Crumlin Road Gaol (Jail). I won't go into it here, but it was a truly haunted place; it was a summation of all the pain and suffering and evil the hung over the island like an ominous storm cloud. It left me a spiritual, emotional, and mental wreck. After eating dinner at Dr. Abraham's Belfast home, we went down the street to a small Presbyterian church for evening worship. There was so much life in that place as we worshiped. I was filled with joy in the midst of all the despair. In the course of the service I remember this scripture: Micah 7.

4. At the same time Perkins School of Theology opened its new facilities, which includes an outdoor prayer labyrinth, God lead me to discover the Rosary. This past semester, I have spent every day that I am at school walking the labyrinth and prayer the Rosary. I can do this in part because I am a lousy Protestant (but I'm still Protestant because I'd be a lousy Anglican, let alone a Roman Catholic). I balk at a lot of the Marian theology, leaving out the mysteries that I cannot support scripturally. I modified the Rosary to accommodate my particular spirituality. I still pray the initial Hail Mary prayer, but I replace the subsequent Hail Mary prayers with the Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God and Son of Mary, have mercy upon me, a sinner." I add the praying of the Nicene Creed and Wesley's covenant prayer. But what it has done is strengthen my prayer life, by giving me structure for my ADD riddled mind and drawing my entire body into the discipline of prayer.

5. Every day I experience God through Beth. In her is the closest I have ever been to the grace of God's unmerited grace. Our relationship is the means of grace by which God has enacted the greatest amount of positive change in me. She loves me even when I deserve it the least. She doesn't let me get away with being anything less than growing into the person God is calling me to be. She's shown me what it means and what it looks like to love like God loves.

Fear is for Chumps

2009-12-09T15:38:00.006-06:00

I've been preaching through John Wesley's 44 sermons. I read them through twice, picking them apart paragraph by paragraph and summarizing each, filling the margins of the Big Blue Book of Wesley Sermons with my scribbles. Then I exegete the primary text (ans surrounding text) that he bases the sermon upon. Once I've done all that I write it all down in quick notes on a yellow legal pad. Then I put it all together in using my own particular speaking style, illustrations, and observations.

YAWN.

(Just wanted to letcha know I'm neither plagiarizing nor reading JW's from the pulpit.)

Last Sunday I preached from Romans 8.1-8 and sermon 8, "First Fruits of the Spirit". I did something along the lines of talking about dancing with a partner or something like that (it wasn't good). Since I had been writing papers all week, pulled an all-nighter Friday, and played Santa on Saturday, I had little time to put quality work into refining the sermon. I relied heavily on my manuscript and just got plain lost while speaking due to shear exhaustion (I can't wait for the day where I don't have to try to preach in the midst of taking finals). I thought it was crap.

Afterward, I had four people (out of 26 in worship) thank me for the sermon. At first, I did the typical, "It was all the Holy Spirit, cause I just wasn't with it this morning," shtick. But now that I've had time to think about what I had preached and what others had said in response, I think I know what's going on.

One of the things Wesley hits hard in "First Fruits of the Spirit" is what it means to not be condemned for sins because of one's relationship with Jesus. The short of it is this: If we are forgiven, there is no punishment. If there is no punishment, we have no rational cause for guilt. If we're not guilty, then there's nothing to fear. And that past part is what did it for people.

How many Christians go through life afraid of sin? Worried about damnation and hell? Not assured of their salvation? Worrying if they had ever committed the unforgivable sin? Thinking they have to be prefect? From the reaction of folks at church, probably more than I can imagine. Now, I'm talking about people who earnestly do not want to sin, who attend to it in their own lives frequently, who try to avoid both inward sins of the heart and outward sinful actions, both of commission and omission. But sometimes we start to get that mentality that our slavation is dependant on our own actions. This can become quite stressful when you begin to realize how much we can sin due to our own ignorance, because of situations that we find ourselves in, or just because we're surprised by our own humanity. Jesus simply doesn't hold us accountable for honest mistakes and things that are out of our control.

Yet Wesley, always the pragmatist, reminds us that we're not to try to take advantage of this fact. Willful sins are what break our relationship with God--and willful neglect. A serious athlete who misses a point or is outperformed by another athlete or makes a mistake due to equipment or environmental issues can be surprised by their failing. A dutiful musician who misses a conductors cue or miss-keys a note can by startled by their error. Its not their fault that they made a mistake any more than its someones fault for feeling hungry, thirsty, sick, or lonely. But if the athlete skips practice, eats poorly, and doesn't work out--if the musician doesn't practice techniques, misses rehearsal, and doesn't maintain his or her instrument--then those mistakes are on his or her head.

You see, we get in trouble for willful mistakes, by our actions or by the fruits of our intentional neglect.

What was refreshing to those folks was this: If you trust that Jesus forgives you and makes things right between you and God, then you're not condemned for your sins. As long as you're human being you're gonna be prone to sin, temptation, and mistakes. You don't have to worry about the eternal consequences as long as you're putting forth genuine effort.

Reminds me of the immortal words of Jules Winnfield, "The truth is...I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd.

Contemporary vs. Traditional Doesn't Make Sense

2009-11-18T21:09:00.004-06:00

I would like to say a word about “contemporary” worship.

To use the word “contemporary” in juxtaposition with “traditional” to describe a religious service has no meaning, as these words actually describe two separate axes of worship, style and form, respectively. Thus, all worship must be both contemporary and traditional.

Traditional worship consists of prayer, the reading of scripture, proclamation, praise through song, and Eucharistic celebration—all of these are aspects of worship that are rooted in some way or another to Christianity's Jewish heritage. Any worship employing any of these acts is traditional.

The definition of “contemporary” is that which describes something that is occupying time with something else. Worship always exists in a contemporary setting, as it exists in the same time with the rest of the world. Worship that is not contemporary is that which neglects to bring the deep traditions of the Church into dialog with the current state of the world and the people who live in it.

Therefore, “traditional” refers to the order or form of worship, whereas “contemporary” refers to the stylistic expression of an order or form, which is unique to a people who are living in a specific place and time. I prefer to use the word “indigenous” over “contemporary” to refer to the stylistic expression of worship, as “contemporary” has been co-opted by many to mean a less structured worship order or form which employs a praise band or worship music team. “Indigenous” is a more flexible descriptor as it refers to the most familiar, comfortable, and meaningful expression of worship for a particular worshiping community.

Vacation

2009-11-18T00:54:00.002-06:00

1,498 miles in 7 days--that's about 1 day and 3 hours in the car.

Driving Directions
Link: http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=310+lynch+street+Como,+TX&daddr=1626+S+Farm+Rd+%23123+Springfield,+MO+to:Kk-14+to:lemp+mansion+st+louis+to:the+gathering+umc+st.+louis+to:701+N+15th+St,+St+Louis,+MO+63103+(City+Museum)+to:1522+State+Route+3,+Red+Bud,+IL+62278-1095+(Lau-Nae+Winery)+to:Waterloo,+IL+to:Morgan+Rd+to:1028+N+Duchesne+Dr+Saint+Charles,+MO+to:2645+Windmill+Frst+Dr+Imperial,+Mo+to:1767+Primrose+Ln+Barnhart,+MO+to:Cape+Girardeau,+Missouri+to:310+lynch+street+Como,+TX&hl=en&geocode=FbB2-AEd6jtP-ikBEHd3-iNKhjG6QEtwP2m7ag%3BFWJtNwIdH15v-inx1HhyFmHPhzGudxeulGR8SA%3BFRrORQIdGnB5-g%3BFabgTAId3Gqf-iFyPY1JTGFHvyl3CcWcjbPYhzFxmaxSvqZygQ%3BFTFMTQIdZACe-iGZUs2tHXZMVSk3LGNbhcrYhzFvCtTI64ppvg%3BFU6ATQIdJ6Of-iHjaeV4hgTv9ClrIiTHPbPYhzFDc7eGMEVpEQ%3BFXQRRwIdmnei-iFndJu1Tof_OSmtaswk653YhzGQJ9L0m_dsLA%3BFY71SAIdNmyg-in3O0JAAafYhzGh5JEcIvcImw%3BFaynSAIdf4Gc-g%3B%3BFe2lSQIdKnyc-il_v0HMmMPYhzFqBQJNq-u-Wg%3BFd_pSAIdB3ic-ild6xBGYcLYhzHITJiahg8kwQ%3BFRw-OQIdvA-q-in7d8-UNoV3iDGSX406_xyQgA%3BFbB2-AEd6jtP-ikBEHd3-iNKhjG6QEtwP2m7ag&mra=ls&sll=35.929315,-92.66454&sspn=8.430362,19.753418&ie=UTF8&t=h&z=6

Start address: 310 Lynch St Como, TX 75431
End address: 310 Lynch St Como, TX 75431

Start at: 310 Lynch St Como, TX 75431

1. Head south on Lynch St toward Evans St - 0.2 mi
2. Turn right at Farm to Market Rd 69/TX-11 W Continue to follow TX-11 W - 8.3 mi
3. Turn right at S Broadway St/Posey Ln Continue to follow S Broadway St - 0.9 mi
4. Continue onto Gilmer St - 0.6 mi
5. Continue onto Oak Ave - 0.6 mi
6. Turn left at Jefferson St E/State Loop 313/US-67 BUS W - 187 ft
7. Take the 1st right onto Church St/TX-154 W Continue to follow TX-154 W - 16.1 mi
8. Continue onto TX-19 N - 5.9 mi
9. Turn right at TX-19 N/TX-24 N - 15.1 mi
10. Turn left at E Hearne Ave - 0.1 mi
11. Take the 1st right onto S Main St - 3.0 mi
12. Continue onto US-271 N Entering Oklahoma - 22.1 mi
13. Slight right to merge onto US-271 N/US-271 Bypass N/US-70 Bypass W toward Antlers - 3.4 mi
14. Continue onto Indian Nation Turnpike Partial toll road - 63.2 mi
15. Take the exit toward US-69 N - 0.2 mi
16. Keep right at the fork to continue toward US-69 N and merge onto US-69 N - 75.2 mi
17. Turn left to merge onto Muskogee Turnpike W toward Tulsa Partial toll road - 23.9 mi
18. Take the exit onto Creek Turnpike E Partial toll road - 9.4 mi
19. Continue onto I-44 E Partial toll road Entering Missouri - 160 mi
20. Take exit 72 for MO-266/I-44 Loop/Chestnut Expy - 0.2 mi
21. Turn right at W Chestnut Expy - 0.6 mi
22. Take the 3rd right onto N Miller Ave - 1.0 mi
23. Turn left at W Farm Rd 140/W Grand St - 0.5 mi
24. Take the 2nd right onto S Farm Rd 123 - 0.6 mi
25. Continue straight onto W Farm Rd 146 - 0.1 mi
26. Turn right at S Quail Ave - 0.1 mi
27. Turn right at W Linwood St - 331 ft
28. W Linwood St turns left and becomes S Farm Rd 123 Destination will be on the left - 56 ft

Arrive at: 1626 S Farm Road 123 Springfield, MO 65807

29. Head north on S Farm Rd 123 toward W Linwood St - 387 ft
30. Take the 1st left onto S Quail Ave - 0.1 mi
31. Turn left at W Farm Rd 146 - 0.1 mi
32. Continue onto S Farm Rd 123 - 0.6 mi
33. Turn left at W Farm Rd 140/W Grand St - 0.5 mi
34. Take the 1st right onto S Miller Ave - 1.0 mi
35. Turn left at W Chestnut Expy/I-44 Loop W - 0.5 mi
36. Slight right to merge onto I-44 E - 56.4 mi
37. Take exit 129 for MO-32/MO-5/MO-64 - 0.2 mi
38. Turn left at S Jefferson Ave/MO-32 W/MO-5 N/MO-64 W Continue to follow S Jefferson Ave/MO-5 N/MO-64 W - 1.7 mi
39. Turn right at E 7th St/MO-5 N Continue to follow MO-5 N - 24.5 mi
40. Turn right at Court Cir - 141 ft
41. Take the 1st left to stay on Court Cir - 463 ft
42. Take the 2nd right onto US-54 E - 8.5 mi
43. Turn left at State Hwy Kk - 1.6 mi
44. Turn left at K K 14 - 374 ft

Arrive at: Kk-14

45. Head northeast on Kk-14 toward K K 16 - 374 ft
46. Turn right at State Hwy Kk - 1.6 mi
47. Turn right at US-54 W - 4.8 mi
48. Turn left at Missouri A - 0.6 mi
49. Turn right to stay on Missouri A - 10.4 mi
50. Turn left to stay on Missouri A - 15.1 mi
51. Turn left at W Washington Ave - 0.4 mi
52. Turn left at N Pine St - 0.1 mi
53. Slight right at E Jefferson Ave/MO-7 S Continue to follow MO-7 S - 8.8 mi
54. Turn left to merge onto I-44 E toward Rolla - 139 mi
55. Take exit 290A to merge onto I-55 S toward Memphis - 1.0 mi
56. Take exit 206C for Arsenal St - 0.1 mi
57. Turn right at Arsenal St - 180 ft
58. Take the 1st left onto Lemp Ave - 0.2 mi
59. Take the 2nd left onto Utah St - 0.1 mi
60. Take the 2nd right onto Demenil Pl - 436 ft

Arrive at: Lemp Mansion Restaurant & Inn 3322 Demenil Pl St Louis, MO 63118-3211

61. Head north on Demenil Pl toward Utah St - 436 ft
62. Turn right at Utah St - 453 ft
63. Turn left at S 9th St - 0.2 mi
64. Turn left at Arsenal St - 0.1 mi
65. Turn right onto the ramp to I-55 N - 0.1 mi
66. Slight left at I-55 N - 0.8 mi
67. Take exit 207B on the left to merge onto I-44 W - 5.0 mi
68. Take exit 285 to merge onto Southwest Ave - 0.7 mi
69. Turn right at McCausland Ave Destination will be on the left - 0.5 mi

Arrive at: Gathering-United Methodist Church 2105 Mccausland Ave St Louis, MO 63143-2537

70. Head south on McCausland Ave toward Stanley Ave - 0.3 mi
71. Turn left at Historic U.S. 66 E/Manchester Ave Continue to follow Historic U.S. 66 E - 5.8 mi
72. Turn left at S 14th St - 1.0 mi
73. Turn left at Lucas Ave Destination will be on the left - 292 ft

Arrive at: City Museum 701 N 15th St St Louis, MO 63103

74. Head east on Lucas Ave toward N 14th St - 292 ft
75. Take the 2nd right onto N 14th St - 1.0 mi
76. Turn left at Chouteau Ave/Historic U.S. 66 E - 0.5 mi
77. Turn right at 7th Blvd - 0.2 mi
78. Take the ramp onto I-44 W/I-55 S Continue to follow I-55 S - 10.9 mi
79. Take exit 197 to merge onto I-255 E toward Chicago Entering Illinois - 7.0 mi
80. Take exit 6 to merge onto IL-3 S toward Columbia Destination will be on the right - 24.5 mi

Arrive at: Lau-Nae Winery 1522 State Route 3 Red Bud, IL 62278-1095

81. Head west on IL-3 N/W Market St toward Huntfield Rd Continue to follow IL-3 N - 10.9 mi
82. Turn right at S Market St - 1.6 mi
83. Turn left at W Mill St - 240 ft

Arrive at: Waterloo, IL

84. Head east on W Mill St toward S Market St - 240 ft
85. Take the 1st left onto N Market St - 1.4 mi
86. Turn right at IL-3 N - 9.5 mi
87. Take the I-255 S/US-50 W ramp to St Louis Co - 0.8 mi
88. Merge onto I-255 W/US-50 W Continue to follow I-255 W Entering Missouri - 6.1 mi
89. Take exit 1A to merge onto I-55 S toward Memphis - 11.6 mi
90. Take exit 185 for Missouri Hwy M toward Barnhart/Antonia - 0.4 mi
91. Merge onto Liguori Metropolitian Blvd/Metropolitan Blvd/N Srv Rd - 2.3 mi
92. Turn right at Crossroads Rd - 0.1 mi
93. Slight right at Morgan Rd - 0.1 mi

Arrive at: Morgan Rd

94. Head southeast on Morgan Rd toward Trotter Rd - 0.1 mi
95. Slight left at Trotter Rd - 0.1 mi
96. Turn left at Liguori Metropolitian Blvd/Metropolitan Blvd/N Srv Rd - 2.3 mi
97. Turn right at Hwy M/State Hwy M - 0.1 mi
98. Turn left to merge onto I-55 N toward St.Louis - 11.3 mi
99. Take exit 196 toward Kansas City/I-270 W - 0.8 mi
100. Merge onto I-270 N - 19.0 mi
101. Take exit 20A-20B to merge onto I-70 W toward Kansas City - 3.9 mi
102. Take exit 229B for I-70 Loop N/Fifth St - 0.2 mi
103. Merge onto S 5th St/I-70 Loop W Continue to follow S 5th St - 1.7 mi
104. Turn left at Randolph St - 0.7 mi
105. Turn left at N Duchesne Dr Destination will be on the left - 269 ft

Arrive at: 1028 N Duchesne Dr St Charles, MO 63301

106. Head northeast on N Duchesne Dr toward W Randolph St - 269 ft
107. Turn right at W Randolph St - 0.6 mi
108. Turn left at Randolph St - 272 ft
109. Take the 1st right onto N 5th St - 1.9 mi
110. Merge onto I-70 E via the ramp to St Louis - 3.1 mi
111. Take exit 232A-232B to merge onto I-270 S toward Memphis - 19.8 mi
112. Take exit 1A to merge onto I-55 S toward Memphis - 10.3 mi
113. Take exit 186 for Imperial Main St - 0.3 mi
114. Turn right at Imperial Main St/W Main St/Oak - 115 ft
115. Take the 1st right onto W Outer Rd - 0.6 mi
116. Turn left at Seckman Rd - 1.4 mi
117. Turn left at Survey 2021 Rd/Windmill Rd - 0.3 mi
118. Take the 1st right onto Windmill Forest Dr Destination will be on the right - 344 ft

Arrive at: 2645 Windmill Forest Dr Sulphur Springs, MO 63052

119. Head southeast on Windmill Forest Dr toward Survey 2021 Rd/Windmill Rd - 344 ft
120. Take the 1st left onto Survey 2021 Rd/Windmill Rd - 0.3 mi
121. Take the 1st right onto Seckman Rd - 1.4 mi
122. Turn right at Mystic Port/Outer Rd Continue to follow Outer Rd - 0.6 mi
123. Turn left at Imperial Main St/W Main St/Oak - 233 ft
124. Take the ramp onto I-55 S - 1.3 mi
125. Take exit 185 for Missouri Hwy M toward Barnhart/Antonia - 0.4 mi
126. Merge onto Liguori Metropolitian Blvd/Metropolitan Blvd/N Srv Rd - 1.2 mi
127. Turn right at Bayberry Ln - 0.2 mi
128. Take the 1st left onto Hillcress Dr - 453 ft
129. Take the 1st right onto Primrose Ln Destination will be on the right - 0.3 mi

Arrive at: 1767 Primrose Ln Barnhart, MO 63012

130. Head southeast on Primrose Ln toward Hillcress Dr - 0.3 mi
131. Turn left at Hillcress Dr - 453 ft
132. Turn right at Bayberry Ln - 0.2 mi
133. Turn right at Liguori Metropolitian Blvd/Metropolitan Blvd/N Srv Rd Continue to follow Metropolitan Blvd - 3.2 mi
134. Turn left at State Hwy Z/Hwy Z - 0.2 mi
135. Slight right to merge onto I-55 S - 80.8 mi
136. Take exit 99 for I-55/US-61/MO-34 toward Cape Girardeau/Jackson - 0.2 mi
137. Turn left at Interstate 55 Business Loop S - 3.8 mi
138. Turn left at Broadway St - 2.0 mi

Arrive at: Cape Girardeau, MO

139. Head west on Broadway St toward N Main St - 2.0 mi
140. Turn left at Interstate 55 Business Loop S/N Kingshighway St Continue to follow Interstate 55 Business Loop S - 3.5 mi
141. Take the ramp onto I-55 S Entering Arkansas - 159 mi
142. Take exit 8 to merge onto I-40 W toward Little Rock - 124 mi
143. Slight left at US-167 S/US-67 S - 0.6 mi
144. Continue onto I-30 W Entering Texas - 234 mi
145. Take exit 131 for Farm to Market Rd 69 - 0.1 mi
146. Continue straight - 0.3 mi
147. Turn left at Farm to Market Rd 69 - 6.8 mi
148. Turn left at 1st St - 381 ft
149. Take the 1st right onto Lynch St Destination will be on the left - 144 ft

Arrive at: 310 Lynch St Como, TX 75431

Atheist Has No Respect for the Religious Who Don't Proselytize.

2009-08-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

I can't help but think about all the times that I have a preserved a friendship by not talking about salvation in Jesus. I can't help but feel a bit ashamed. I'm way too full of lame excuses.

Ireland - Arrival

2009-07-06T16:13:00.002-05:00

It's about 4:00 p.m. Central Standard Time time which means its about bedtime (10:00 pm) for me here in Belfast, Northern Ireland. The weather is rainy and around 65 degrees. We haven't done much since arriving, mainly moving into our rooms, fighting jet lag, and a short walking tour of the immediate area around Belfast. there are ten other students other than myself on this trip, and Dr. Billy Abraham is here with us as our professor. We're staying in the Methodist chaplaincy; in other words, its kind of like a Methodist fraternity house where the Methodist chaplain (campus minister) for Queen's University also lives. My room is on the fourth floor (60 steps; no elevator) with a beautiful view facing out toward the north of Belfast.

We took a walking tour this afternoon into the Protestant working-class part of town. We saw several memorials commemorating Protestant/Loyalist (pro-England) para-military groups. I've already seen quite a bit of graffiti that reflects the sectarian and racial hatred that still runs in the undercurrent of Northern Ireland. Tensions are expected to rise just a bit as we approach July 2th; the day in which the Ulster Protestant Loyalists defeated the Irish Roman Catholic Republicans. To get an idea of what it the feeling is like, imagine if the colonies did not defeat the British in the Revolutionary War, and then a British holiday was declared where they celebrated the defeat of the rebel American colonists. Or perhaps if there was a holiday where the United States celebrated the defeat of southern rebels, with Union parades marching down the streets of the most prominent Southern cities and towns.

I've taken some pictures and will be posting them at Picasa here. It's 6 minutes past my bedtime, and I am feeling it. I'll have more for you all tomorrow.

Friday Five - All About the Look

2009-07-03T06:53:00.003-05:00

1. Are you a hoarder, or are you good at sorting and clearing? I really don't have any clothes that I don't wear regularly, so I guess I'm good at sorting stuff out.

2. What is the oddest garment you possess and why? I don't really have odd garments. I have three Hawaiian shirts that I've had for a very long time. I bought them back before they were faddish, wore them while it was, and continued wearing them afterward. I like clothing with a repeating pattern of parrots.

If shoes count as a garment in this Friday-Five, then its my Vibram 5-Fingers. That's right; I wear toe-shoes. They've helped me get over my plantar fasciitis pain.

Oh, and my black leather biker jacket with metal spikes on the shoulder boards and down the back vents. Seriously.

3. Do you have a favourite look/ colour? I wear Old Navy ringer tees and Levi cargo pants/shorts. Pretty much the same thing every day. I buy one of every available color every two years.

4. Thrift/ Charity shops, love them or hate them? That would require me to actually shop (my love of food shopping does not extend to clothing shopping). My current wardrobe choices are essentially mindless to acquire.

5. Money is no object, what one item would you buy? I'd switch over to a completely free-trade/organic wardrobe. I know somebody is paying for my $5 Old Navy Tees.

Now I Know...

2009-06-30T08:19:00.002-05:00

I remember Transformers having PSAs at the end of each episode, but I didn't know they used the same tagline as G.I. Joe. For some reason, this one made me laugh.

Friday Five: Gettin' the Groceries

2009-06-12T11:27:00.003-05:00

I'm finally caught up enough to do a Friday Five. It only took a month after the semester's end.

1. Grocery shopping--love it or hate it? Actually, I kinda enjoy it. I like comparing different products for their nutritional value, and figuring out the best buy. Sometimes bulk is not cheaper, so I keep my phone's calculator handy.

2. Who is the primary food shopper in your household? I am. Not to dig on Beth, but I care a lot more about what I eat (I'm also way more of a picky eater than she). Beth doesn't enjoy shopping as much as I do, so she's kinda of an in-and-out of shopper. That doesn't lend to price and nutrition comparisons. I also do most of the cooking, so I'm more aware of what we need, what we're running low on, and how much room we have in the fridge. Plus my schedule is more flexible.

3. Do you have a beloved store like TJ's which is unique to your location or family? We have a Walmart and a Brookshire's. Walmart is closer, cheaper, and has a better selection of lean cut meat and lower calorie/fat and higher fiber foods. However, as of late, our Walmart has been slowly getting rid of their healthier foods.

4. How about a farmer's market, or CSA share, as we move into summer? Or do you grow your own fruits/veggies/herbs? I wish I had the time to grow my own. I love cucumbers, corn, and potatoes, and they're best when fresh. I'm sure having fresh lettuce on hand would lend to eating more salads. But I barely have the time to mow, let alone learn how to tend a garden and then do it.

5. What's the favorite thing you buy at the grocery store? I like meat.

Wesleyanism and Rethinking Church

2009-06-11T12:46:00.006-05:00

Jeff Slater over at life|emergent asked the question, "Why be United Methodist?" I started to respond there, but then realized that I hadn't posted anything of substance here in a while. :-)

I don't have a UMC identity as much as I have a Wesleyan identity. They are not one and the same. The disconnect is, that the UMC has lost much of the subtle, yet vital, nuances of the Wesleyan heritage.

We have lost Wesley's understanding of prevenient grace (it lets the totally depraved see their deprivation--that's all).
We've used the word grace to whitewash every dead tomb of sin--grace is not permissiveness, but the means by which God continually calls all sinners to the Gospel Feast where lives can be transformed. It seems to me that the way we use the word 'grace' diminishes the our ability to speak honestly about the impact of sin in our lives and in the world, thus neutering the power of the Gospel and the affect of Christ's attonement of that sin.
We have completely abandoned the idea that true happiness only comes from living holy lives through intentional obedience and devotion to our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is rare (in my experience) that one hears a sermon on the rational and experiential assurance of one's salvation from a UM pulpit--which is a shame against John Wesley's lifelong theological endeavors.
The idea that we can be perfected in Christian love in this life is surrounded with modernistic explanations that diminish the miraculous synergistic power of the Holy Spirit working within the repentant sinner. Of course, that's better than laughing or the subtle wink and nod that I've witnessed on occasion.
And of course, most of this went by the wayside when class membership ceased to be a requirement of membership. Accountability was the chief tool of Methodism, and that's why it grew so rapidly in the 18th and 19th centuries.

We no longer have the practical theology of Susanna Wesley which she passed on to her son. Instead, the UMC has traded it in for a largely superfluous theology of slogans, catchphrases, taglines, and buzzwords.

A few months back Gracepoint UMC in Wichita, Kansas left the connection largely because their evangelistic (and truly Wesleyan) fervor proved to be incompatible with the polity and Episcopal leadership of the the Kansas West Conference. GPUMC clearly did not have a United Methodist identity. However, I'm curious if the newly renamed Gracepoint Community Church had a Wesleyan identity, and if so, does it intend on keeping it.

I had an interesting conversation with an Elder after a break-out session at the North Texas Annual Conference regarding our church structure. As far as connectionalism goes, I wonder what would happen if we started thinking and acting as if the Annual Conference itself was a mega church with hundreds of satellite campuses. Or perhaps we could treat the AC as the one church of a region and individual churches as United Societies organized into classes and bands. It'd look something like this:

Everyone who wishes to join the church would become members of the Annual Conference and Elders and Deacons in full connection would be members of either the Regional or General Conference.
The membership requirements and vows to join an Annual Conference would be the same as that of the local church, now.
Each local church would be a Society Congregation, where the membership vows would be the General Rules of the United Societies.
Membership in a Society Congregation would be more fluid depending on the level of commitment of the member of the Annual Conference Church. Just like Wesley regularly kicked folks out of societies, Society Congregations could do the same. Likewise, just like in the early days of Methodism, the ejected member would immediately be invited back into community with the Society Congregation with a grace that tolerates not sin, but earnestly calls for repentance and striving for holiness.
Each church would be made of classes--of which attendance would be expected--and bands--which attendance would be encouraged. Here, the real work of the church would be done, as class and band members would provoke one another in love to conform their minds to Christ's mind and walked as he walked.

Ya wanna rethink church? How 'bout we redo church.

Your comments, questions, criticisms, complains and donations are appreciated and desired.

The Truth Behind Many Bad Sermons

2009-06-03T13:50:00.002-05:00

Here's a quick vid of Walter Brueggemann addressing some of the issues that prohibit a pastor from being the faith community's scholar and teacher.

HT: Adam Walker at pomomusings

Singin'

2009-06-01T14:25:00.002-05:00

Beth and I sang at Diane Sander and Nate Shoemaker's wedding. Beth and I are friends with Diane through the Springfield Wesley Foundation, and Beth and Diane were roommates for a while during undergrad. Beth's folks drove out to Hermann, Missouri and caught the song on the digital camera.

Penny Arcade and Evangelism

2009-05-18T09:08:00.003-05:00

I read webcomics. One of my favorites is Penny Arcade. Though I'm not technically a gamer (playing bubblebreaker on my phone in class [it helps me pay attention, honest!], tower defense while I should be studying, and Super Mario anything on the NES/SNES/GameCube does not a gamer make), I do like to keep my finger on the pulse of the gaming world. I know gamers. I'm friends with gamers. I'll probably meet more gamers. And most importantly, I like to be able to talk with folks about the things they like; it's the evangelist in me. Gabe and Tycho help me do this.

Last week, the duo critiqued Microsoft's new method of buying music for the Zune (here's the comic). Now, I haven't really bought any music in several years, be it through online retail or at a store, but their critique of Microsoft's marketing methods stuck me as interesting.

What Microsoft needs badly is a shaman. They need somebody who is situated physically within their culture, but outside it spiritually. This isn't a person who hates Microsoft, but it's a person who can actually see it. I can do this for you. Give me a hut in your parking lot. I will eat mushrooms, roll around in your cafeteria, and tell you the Goddamned truth.

The world need shamans and pastors need to be those shamans. Pastors need to be actively and physically engaged in the culture around their churches, from as intimate as the familial all the way to the breadth of the global. In a way, it's not far from John Wesley, who, "submitted to be more vile, and proclaimed in the highways the glad tidings of salvation…” Granted, Wesley was not reading webcomics or the like, but he did go to where the people were, saw and spoke to the truth that he encountered in the streets of Bristol--something that many of his contemporaries were unwilling to do.

The only way to do this safely is by firstly and constantly seeking spiritual and scriptural holiness. If one is going to be physically within the culture, then one also must be spiritually steeped in the ordinances of God. I'm not promoting dualism of body and spirit, for they both affect each other. It is, however, easy to lose one's center--to slip into idolatry or syncretism--while physically engaged with the world.

So pastors, get out of your offices and get out of your heads, eat your mushrooms (or you know, the Lord's Supper), walk around in your towns, and be able and willing to tell the world--in a language and context they can understand--the God-blessed truth.

Man, I Needed This Stuff Last Week.

2009-05-10T22:53:00.001-05:00

I wrote a lot last week and slept very little. This would have helped.

Amendment 1 --Coming to an Annual Conference Near You.

2009-04-25T16:52:00.003-05:00

I tend to avoid blogging about hot social/Church topics, but I feel compelled to voice my opinion for once.

When it comes to homosexuality and the United Methodist Church, I really have no compelling position either way. This is not to say that I don't care...but arguing either side seems to be to get too political, polemical, and misplaces our zeal. I don't really take a side, so I figure both sides hate me for not being with them. Or someone's bound to call me a coward or other such thing. Perhaps that's true. I don't know.

I pastored a church with member who was an openly homosexual man who was both a faithful man of God and a key leader in the congregation. His sexual orientation meant nothing more to me than did his hair color. I neither affirmed his sexual orientation nor did I denounce it. I never felt the need to do either. Am I some sort of anomaly? I don't know many others like me, but that might be because people like me don't really talk about it.

If the UMC continues to oppose the full inclusion of the GLBT community in the life and ministry of the church, I'll continue to be a United Methodist (and some level of clergy). If the UMC changes to include the GLBT community in the life and ministry of the church, I'll continue to be a United Methodist (and some level of clergy). You see, this is not what I'm about. I'm about loving God and loving my neighbor. Now I know what you might be thinking, How can I love God if I'm not upholding and defending our doctrines which illustrate how we are to love God? or perhaps you're thinking, how can you claim to love your neighbor if you permit an entire population to be oppressed and excluded by the church?

Here's the thing: Something about how my brain is wired or how I was raise, or some combination of these two things or perhaps some other influence I cannot currently imagine makes it mind-numbingly difficult for me to see this (or many other) things in black and white. Sometimes shades of grey seem too cut and dry. I don't know how to be a good Methodism this issue; I can't tell where abstaining from doing harm ends and doing all the good I can begins. Or vice a versa. And that doesn't even begin to consider my responsibility to attend to all of the ordinances of the Lord. I don't even know what they all are, past the Means of Grace and other works of piety.

I write all of this because I've just heard Maxie Dunnam's argument against Amendment 1 to the UMC Constitution. I agree with him that it opens the door to all people, repentant or not of any variety of sin. It hamstrings the leadership structure of the local congregation, and it further reduces clergy to service providers. As a clergy person I will never be able to require any sort of catachetical process for inquiring members, to clear the roll of any no-participating members, or even require confirmation classes for those baptized as infants.

There are a variety of ways to go about fighting for the inclusion of the GLBT community into the church, but as it look to me, this way does considerably more harm than good. It seems to me to be underhanded; I value transparency when it comes to any sort of communication or relationship, and this seems like some sort of legislative slight-of-hand...misdirection. For the above mentioned reasons, I think its a poorly thought out plan as well that smacks of nothing less than impatience. Though it doesn't translate precisely to this situation, I can't help but think of an old saying form the Army, "There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it twice." If the folks pushing Amendment 1 think that they're goal is righteous and worth doing, then they must attain that goal the right way by equally righteous means.

I won't leave the United Methodist Church if we continue to exclude the GLBT community from the life of the church. I won't leave if we include them.

But if the church votes to completely remove a clergy person's right to discern who and who is not ready for full membership of the church, then I'll have to seriously consider leaving the United Methodist Church. That's not an ecclesiology I can get behind.

GoJoe!

2009-04-25T00:30:00.001-05:00

This is the awesome! New G.I.Joe short episodes. There are ten in all. Check 'em out.

What He Said.

2009-04-13T23:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I Feel Like a Socially Awkward Bee.

2009-03-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

Yep. 90-Year-Olds.

2009-03-10T11:55:00.001-05:00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Coming to a Record Store Near You.

2009-03-01T18:51:00.002-06:00

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. (make sure you hit the new random quotations button at the bottom)

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together (http://www.picnik.com/) works well, online.

I Thought I was the Egg Man.

2009-02-07T13:27:00.001-06:00

You Are a Whiteboard

You are a dreamer, a visionary, and a straight up idea person. You are very creative.

Even if the things you think up are a bit wacky, they often are brilliant.

You are an adept problem solver. You are always tossing around dozens of ideas.

You would make a good artist, designer, or architect. You do best when work feels like play.

What Office Supply Are You?

HT: Gavin at HTBBTMF

Getting Harder.

2009-02-07T10:09:00.004-06:00

To all my readers, (yeah, I mean both of you) I'm not sure if you noticed, but I was 31 posts for 31 days in January. I wanted to see if I could do it.

I can.

But then school started. Now I can't. On the one hand, it makes me sad because I like posting daily. It's a discipline. On the other hand, I'm glad I haven't been able to keep up because it means I've been prioritizing well, a skill in which I am traditionally quite abysmal.

It'll probably continue like this for a while, less posts, that is. I have over 300 pages of Wesley, Niebuhr, Haurwas, and Abraham to reed for next week. And a bulletin and sermon to finish up. And a confirmation class to prepare.

And bills to pay.

And a house to clean.

But I have Sunday school prepared for tomorrow, so I have that going for me. Which is nice.

33. Is This Going To Be Forever?

2009-02-04T22:38:00.003-06:00

This is a video of a kid named David, who just returned from the dentist and a bout of dental surgery. His Dad is recording him all doped up, for posterity's (and future humiliation's) sake.

I worked for hours trying to get the primal nature of that scream, but never quite got it. The sound and fury of it is a wonderful and terrifying thing.

32. Serious Question.

2009-02-02T23:17:00.006-06:00

After worship Sunday, I'm mingling with folks in the sanctuary and Jaden, one of our first-graders, comes up to me with a concerned look on his face. He says, "I need to ask you a question."

"So what's you're question?" I ask.

He stares up at me, then to Beth who's standing next to me.

Beth says, "Oh, do you want me to leave?"

Jaden nods and waves her away. Beth graciously walks away to talk with some other folks. Jadan sits down in the pew we're standing next to, and and sit down next to him. By this point, I'm thinking what's he gonna ask? Is he going to ask about Communion? Is he going to ask about Jesus? About the sermon? (Hey, I've had a third grader outline my sermon to me after church, so I'm not surprised by anything anymore.) What theological question am I going to have to answer at a first grade level?

With a look of single-minded intensity and a tone the portrayed the full gravity of the seriousness of his question, Jaden looks at me and asks:

"Why did you grow a beard?"

31. I Could Do That.

2009-01-31T11:08:00.002-06:00

And by do that, I mean injure myself severely.

I'm not that big of a football fan, but I am a fan of the amazing things the human body can do when pushed to its limits.

30. God, Part II.

2009-01-30T13:47:00.005-06:00

This is the second half of Chapter 2: God. It is the third part of an ongoing series on the Credo Blog.

Chapter 1: Prolegomena or First Things.

Chapter 2: God, Part I

God is Trinity. Trinitarian doctrine—neither arbitrary nor historically detached—developed via debates occurring between 319 and 381 C.E., to reconcile the differences between historic Judaic monotheism and the revelation of God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In 325 C.E., the Council of Nicaea convened and developed a creed to establish unity in faith within the church. However, Eusebius pointed out problems that arose in the vocabulary used; hypostasis and ousia.[1] Later, Gregory of Nyssa more concisely defined the terms, establishing that God was of one substance or ousia, and that there are three hypostases of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.[2] Ultimately, Augustine refined Trinitarian theology by explaining that the divine nature is consistent between the three persons, unified by the shared intention of Love.[3]

Despite efforts made centuries ago to settle the controversies regarding the Trinity, the church still struggles with both modalism and tritheism. T. D. Jakes, pastor of the Potter’s House in Dallas, Texas, teaches modalism. The Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the Father is God, but Jesus is an angel of God and not coequal in divinity.The Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) is tritheistic, believing in a Godhead consisting of an embodied Father (once a man), Son, and a spiritual Holy Ghost. Though all three of these religious bodies claim to possess the true historical and authentic Christian tradition, they are out of step with the canonical heritage as revealed by God to the early church.

With the emergence of feminist theology in the past two centuries, the question of gender and God has gained attention. Unfortunately, in the case of Daphne Hampson, arguments that begin as liberating sometimes become destructive. Though her arguments follow more Christological lines,[4] it is indicative of a larger confusion between gender and sex, and literal interpretations of gender specific pronouns that lead to anthropomorphic mistakes. Sex is a physiological characteristic representative of an organism’s role in species propagation. God has not a body, is not a species, and does not reproduce, thus God is neither male nor female. Scripture predominantly uses the masculine pronoun and imagery throughout to address God. However, the Bible occasionally uses feminine imagery as well, such as wisdom personified as a woman in Proverbs, God giving birth and nourishing children in Isaiah, and as a mother hen in Matthew. Of course, passages like these are as indicative of God’s femaleness as they are to God’s chickenness. Both feminine and masculine attributes given to humanity are reflective of the image, likeness, and personality of God, completely unrelated to X or Y chromosomes.

The aspects of God defy conventional reason; God is immanent and transcendent, all-powerful and all-good, impassible and all-loving, one and three. Yet, these seeming contradictions are what make the Christian God unlike any deity conceived by man. These aspects are necessary: A god that is not imminent is uninvolved; a god that is not transcendent is ordinary. A god not intimate is alien; a god not holy is unworthy of worship. A god impassible is unreliable; a god not loving is a tyrant. A god of one personhood is implausible in the context of the gospel story; three gods stand in opposition of the monotheistic tradition upon which Christianity is built.

Next Week: Creation and Providence, Part I

[1] William Rusch, Trinitarian Controversy, 22.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid., 164.

[4] Daphne Hampson, “Christology,” in idem, Theology and Feminism, 50-80.

Friday Five: HGTV Edition

2009-01-30T09:40:00.005-06:00

1) If you could, what room in the place you are currently living would you redo first? The living room. It's boring. We're using an old bookshelf for an entertainment center, all of our furniture is second hand and doesn't match. We spend the most time in that room. Also, we'd put down some carpet. The church decided to put linoleum down in the living room. Yeah, linoleum. In the living room.

2) What is the most hideous feature/color/decor item you have ever seen in a home? I had burnt orange shag carpet in my old duplex with drop-tile ceiling. Oh, and the walls were half wood panel. That was pretty hideous.

3) What feature do you most covet? Do you have it? If not, is it within reach? A solar powered attic fan. I'll never have it. Parsonage.

4) Your kitchen - love it or hate it? Why? It gets the job done. It has a pretty nice layout, but the oven/range is pretty old-tech (it takes forever to pre-heat and there's no window), there's no garbage disposal, and the dishwasher is loud and inefficient. I think the appliances are original from when they built the parsonage 15-20 years ago.

5) Here is $10,000 and you HAVE to spend it on the place you are living now. What do you do? I have no idea about the cost of home improvements, so here's my wish list: Solar-powered attic fan, a car port that actually fits two cars, carpet the living room, Insulated windows, double doors onto the back porch, Get rid of all the wood paneling, All new energy-star compliant appliances, garbage disposal, a vent fan in the master bath, and a timed thermostat.

The big one would be this: Brick up the garage and make it into some sort of room. Here's why. When the church built this parsonage, someone thought that the master bedroom needed to be two feet longer. So in the plans, they moved all the walls of the house two feet to the south. The garage is on the south side of the house...and the foundation had already been poured. So, our garage is two feet too short. Neither the Civic nor the Mazda3 fit in the garage. There's no garage door, because it'd come down on the back of any car parked in there, save a Smart or a Mini.

BONUS: Why do you think there was such a surplus of ugly bathroom tile colors showcased in all homes built from the 1950's right through the early 80's? In the fifties, they hadn't invented color yet, and so when they made the switch to color, they had no idea how ugly those shades of gray actually were. Calvin's dad explains it a lot better here.

28. It Annoys Beth When I Do This.

2009-01-29T23:19:00.003-06:00

Hey, he's left handed!

(I'm a lefty and I notice these things. She just doesn't get what its like to live in the right-man's world.)

27. Gone to Pot.

2009-01-28T13:50:00.009-06:00

There's a discussion going on at John's place one legalizing marijuana. I started to write a reply, but then realize that it was a post in itself.

I speak with a bit of authority on issues of criminal law and deviant behavior in society. I have a diploma in criminology hanging over the toilet in my bathroom. Really, that's where I keep it.

Its important to make the distinction between legalization and decriminalization. Legalization is the removal of all prohibitions regarding something presently illegal. Decriminalization is the removal of reduction of penalties associated with something illegal, while still regulating it. In my opinion, arguing this matter from a legalization stand point is black and white thinking (check the blog tag line); decriminalization is more nuanced and realistic.

Regarding taxation, the cost of production is super low, therefore a high tax rate would still keep the cost below its black market street value. Ya see, there's a reason its called weed. It grows anywhere and will do so abundantly. It grows faster than just about any other plant on the globe. Its infinitely renewable, because comparatively, it has a lower impact on the soil than do other plants and it can grow many seasons without needing a farrow time. All of its street value comes not from any intrinsic value of the plant, but from the cost of trafficking something on which the US has declared war.

Admittedly, most research on marijuana use is suspect, but the researchers know that (if you think otherwise, it is more of a problem with media poorly reporting on science; they don't know how). Cannabis plants are illegal within the United States (that's right, we didn't ban THC, we banned a plant), and thus it is impossible to do any controlled research with it. That leaves field study of a population that is, well, difficult to study. "Hey buddy, could I ask you a few questions about your illegal drug use? I'm not a cop, its for science!" See how far that gets ya.

Because its so useful and prolific, hemp can be used to make rope, clothing, paper, and there's probably a cheap way to make it into plastics or bio-fuel (which is a hell of a lot better than burning freakin' food in our engines).

As for a gateway drug, that's a myth. It may be the first illegal drug that many use, but what of the path that leads to the so-called "gateway"? Drug use is a symptom of greater societal problems. Get rid of marijuana people will sniff paint thinner. Get rid of paint thinner then they'll drink NyQuil. Get rid of NyQuil and they'll cut themselves for the endorphin rush. So on and so forth. It happens already. And because there's an entire criminal subculture that is tied to marijuana use, it becomes a gateway into other undesirable habits and away from normative values and behavior.

The main reason people abuse drugs is to self-medicate to alleviate whatever pain or suffering they can't otherwise figure out how to avoid within their environment/mind/body. Spend time (the key word being time) on finding and reducing the causes of pain and suffering and maybe we'll see some positive improvements in our world. Criminalization and heavy law enforcement is a quick fix approach and is ultimately limited when used alone.

If a water pipe breaks in my house, I don't grab a mop and start trying to clean up the mess, I find the source of the water and turn it off. Our current drug policies seem to want to get more bigger and better mops. Now, once the flow is stopped or slowed significantly, the mop needs to be used and kept around, but we can't spend our life and resources mopping like mad. That's just dumb.

The US is the only industrialized country that has criminalized the existence of this plant. Recreational use of marijuana is decriminalized in many countries, and has positively affected the crime rate. Harm reduction should be our watchwords. We've learned a lot of lessons with the criminalization/decriminalization/regulation of the alcohol and tobacco industries. We don't have to make those mistakes again. Granted, new challenges will arise, but I don't suspect any of them being worse, over time, than the problems we have now with our current policies.

26. Clowns.

2009-01-26T09:01:00.000-06:00

see Sarah Palin pictures

25. Streamlined.

2009-01-25T21:42:00.005-06:00

Danny thinks the new page design is less streamlined. So I've decided to add some.

Here's some streamlines:

I hope this helps.

24. Good Sleepin'.

2009-01-24T10:28:00.000-06:00

Beth and I got a new mattress set.

I thought that it was just a process of aging to wake up with a sore and stiff neck and back.

Nope, just the result of sleeping on the mattress set we inherited from my grandma.

She bought it in '78.

That's one year younger than me.

That's six years older than Beth.

when I wake up, I actually feel like I spent the last 7.5 hours sleeping.

I love my new bed.

23. Presidential "Blogging"

2009-01-24T09:14:00.000-06:00

Did you know that the White House had a blog?"

Did you know that weekly Presidential Addresses are available through embedded YouTube videos?

It's true. Right here: www.whitehouse.gov/blog

I use "bunny ears" when I say blogging because there's no commenting system. Which makes sense. If you wanna make a crazy person magnet, add a comments section to the President's "blog."

Was it like this before with President Bush, or is this a new thing? I usually don't pay attention to such things.

22. Lost Generation

2009-01-23T12:08:00.000-06:00

I know, another youtube thingy. It's my fall back to substantive posts. But this is good, honest.

Do either of these apply to your generation? Your perception of another generation? Do you see truth in both perspectives?

HT: Gavin

21. Pick up the Phone!

2009-01-21T17:18:00.000-06:00

I love Waverly Films.

This vid isn't family friendly or work safe, due to one F-bomb and violence against a puppet phone.

20. Gettin' the Hang of It.

2009-01-21T03:02:00.000-06:00

Year End Reports are done. Check out begins in five hours. I should go to bed, but experience has shown that after pouring over paperwork for hours on end--despite being boring and tedious--it tends to get my mind racing too quickly to fall right asleep. It was interesting to see how 2008 compared to 2009. Here's what I found out:

We audited the rolls this year and we got the numbers down from 94 to 65. Seven transferred and the others withdrew their membership after being contacted. Most of these should have been done several pastors ago.

We have three in confirmation, three adults joined by transfer, and three were baptised (two infants and a 2nd grader). We have 32 baptized preperatory members (this is UMC code meaning kids).

Somehow we've lowered our expenses by about $10,000. It came mostly out of programing, but our general operating expenses also dropped. With the programing, I think its from an effort to cut what we don't need and being more creative with our existing resources. There's a lot of borrowing used material from other congregations this year, too. I think we spent less than $100 on VBS, yet we went all out. We upgraded to timed thermostats, and I think that has drastically reduced our electic and gas bills.

For you UM church nerds, all of this means a smaller apportionment decimal for this congregation in a couple of years.

Giving was up, too. That may have something to do with average attendance jumping from 31 in 2007 to 42 in 2008. It may be from our first-ever capital funds campaign that we ran in November of 2007. Or maybe its just the fruit of Spirit.

People engaged in various programs went up about 15 people this year from 60 to 75. It'd be higher if the women's group was still meeting. We have two more Sunday school classes than last year and the youth group is now a year old.

I'm getting the hang of pastoring at Como UMC, and the never ending stream of paperwork that comes down from the Anual Conference. I pray that this year is as fruitful as the last. Thanks be to God!

19. Credo Blogging: God, Part I.

2009-01-19T22:09:00.000-06:00

This is the second in an ongoing series of posts which will explore my Credo. The first part can be found here:

Prolegomena or First Things.

The topic of God will be done in two parts. This part will focus on the nature and attributes of God whereas Part II will focus on the Trinity as well as some more controversial points regarding God's nature.

God.

Aquinas claims we cannot know what and how God is; we can only know how and what God is not.[1] Additionally, Aquinas says humanity cannot use words that describe the created order to define or describe the attributes of God—they simply do not apply. In describing an object, human words only serve to recreate—to make intellectual facsimiles of sensory experiences. Conversely, divine language brings into being something from nothing—it not only creates, but is the power of creation. Human language is only sufficient to describe creation; God is not creation, therefore human language can only describe what God is not. However, God interacts with the creative order. Therefore, we may not be able to describe adequately what or who God is, but we can certainly describe our experiences of what God has done, what God is doing, and what God will do.

The various aspects of God would seem contradictory if applied to created beings, but they are essential to the God’s nature. God is immanent and personal, transcendent and mysterious. In Genesis 1, the author represents God as eternal, transcendent, other, holy, impassable, creator and sustainer of creation, omnipotent, free, and the source of all that is good. God exists before creation and is apart from it. God speaks things into existence and sustains them through divine will. Nothing can logically limit God’s power other than the limits God has ordained. God is the both the sole mover and originator of both matter and movement.

In Genesis 2, God is intimate, immanent, personal, loving, and the source of all human well being and joy. God forms man by hand, and intimately breathes life into him. God is loving, and the full and perfect example of giving one’s self for the other. Though God does not need the created order, God has chosen to make us the full recipients of divine attention. God serves as a humble provider, caring for the man and his every need.

God is both omnipotent and free. God is all-powerful, but this is not to say that God causes all events. God does precisely when and in what way God intends, coerced by nothing external to God’s self. Nothing causes God; as was told to Moses, God simply is. God’s state of being is constant, immutable, and perfect in every conceivable way. The only limits to God’s power are those that are outside the bounds of logic and those that are self-imposed.

God is just and loving. God’s justice covers all regardless of a person’s biology, psychology, or their location in space and time. As Peter observes, God shows no partiality. Regarding God’s love, scripture affirms in 2 Peter 3.9 and 1 Timothy 2.3-4, that God desires all to repent and be saved. God loves each of us as equally as God judges us. God’s justice is complete; God’s love is infinite.

Next on Credo Blog: God, Part II.

[1] Barron, Priority, 191.

18. Now You Know.

2009-01-19T21:55:00.000-06:00

17. Giving and Lending

2009-01-18T19:30:00.001-06:00

For Christmas, everyone on the Boemler side of the family got either 1/10 of a heifer or 1/3rd of a llama. Beth and I were inspired by the Advent Conspiracy to spend less and give more, or in our case, spend the same and give a whole lot more. We did this through Heifer International. The way it works, is that you buy a gift which can be an animal, a share of an animal, or some other reproductive gift like a tree or a flock of domesticated fowl. The gift is given to a family who promises that the first born of their animal will be given to another family who is in need. Its a lot less stressful than buying some crappy gift at the mall or online. And a whole lot more meaningful.

Allong the same line, Como UMC collected $680 (with some help from our friends Brandon and Erin) to donate to the 1000 Wells Project organized by Blood:Water Mission. We fasted from non-water beverages for the entire Advent season and then donated our savings on Christmas Eve toward the digging of fresh-water wells in countries who do not have access to such a basic nesessity as clean water. In years past, the Christmas Eve collection has been around $200. It was amazing to see how such a small church in rural East Texas can help an entire village increase its standard of living on the other side of the planet.

What inspired me to write this post is this video about micro-loans that has been shared by Questing Parson. It's about 11 minutes long, but worth the watch. I encourage you to consider one of these--and many other--means of giving in a more meaningful way for Valentine's Day, birthdays, Christmas, aniversaries, Arbor Day, or for whatever. You have the chance to make life better for "the least of these." Here's the video:

A Fistful Of Dollars: The Story of a Kiva.org Loan from Kieran Ball on Vimeo.

16. Beard Blogging

2009-01-18T18:41:00.000-06:00

Got this blog idea from Rabbit John at the Zeray Gazette.

That's right, No-Shave November is out of control. It turned into Don't-Shave December, and is well into, I dunno, Just-Grow-a-Beard January. I don't plan on shaving until Easter, so I need some help with naming the next couple of months. And well, this month, too. JGaBJ, is kinda lame.

Note that the StressPenguin is on the shelf behind me.

15. It's Still Better Than the New Ones.

2009-01-16T07:54:00.000-06:00

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

14. Credo Blogging: Notes on "First Things"

2009-01-14T10:48:00.000-06:00

I blogged the first chapter of my Credo here: Prolegomena or First Things.

I want to comment a bit on how I view my credo nearly a year after writing it. Additionally, I want to look at what did not make the cut. These tidbits were left out not because I don't agree with them but because they were simply weaker arguments that had to be dropped due to the 9000 word limit.

One cannot effectively study Christian theology outside the scope of divine revelation.

As I continue to work through and learn about Christian mysticism, the more this idea comforts me. I spend the majority of my time without any feeling of sensual assurance. I don't "feel" God's presence. There's a story about how Moses demands to see God. God says that if Moses saw him, he'd die, so he offers this compromise; Moses can see God's back side. Now, I always giggle when I read this, 'cause it sounds like God is going to moon Moses. However, one interpretation of this phrase is that Moses will see where God just was. That's the most he can handle seeing. That's the closest I get to knowing God's presence is knowing where he just was. Like a room that still has a scent of perfume from the woman who had left just before I arrive. Like a remnant contrail hanging in the sky where a super-sonic jet had just flown. The warmth left in the sheets next to me after Beth has gotten up to take a shower. Or when I deliver what I consider to be a dud of a sermon, someone tells me that God spoke to them through my words.

God reveals himself to me all the time, otherwise, I'd have nothing to say about him. It just never feels like it at the time.

One can only legitimately view creation from a Christocentric perspective, and that anything that does not correlate with that perspective is inherently untrue.

I'm discovering that I need to turn that lens upon myself. Not the abstract "what is humankind" self, but upon me, Kurt. I don't know myself as well as I should (or thought that I did) because I have neglected to fully look at myself through the Christocentric perspective in my examination of who I am as an individual. Its like viewing the world with one eye shut; I get the basic idea, but I cannot perceive the depth of the matter.

As a United Methodist, I find it necessary to write briefly on the Quadrilateral...

Additionally, I find myself having a harder and harder time confining myself to an exclusively Protestant epistemology (the process of discovering how I know what I know). I have always found fundamentalism impossible to swallow with its insistence on an inerrant Bible and a rejection of historical eccesiology that dates earlier than the Lutheran Reformation. I respect the Pope as a great teacher of the Church, but I do not find his teachings to be inerrant any more than I do the Bible. And I get the ever increasing feeling that if I don't swallow the epistemology of the Wesleyan Quadrilateral whole, I my not be fit to be a United Methodist pastor.

Maybe I need to go Greek Orthodox.

With that said, here are some things that didn't make the cut:

According to Tyson, for Origen of Alexandra, “ knowledge was not merely a mental thing; it was a product of the purifying infusion of God’s love, which transformed and perfected the whole person.” Again, the knowledge of God is not some object that one can master, but is the subject that that completely takes over and changes the object of its focus.

Romans 1.19-21: "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. So they are without excuse; for though they knew God, they did not honour him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their senseless minds were darkened." A cryptic warning to those who insist on being the subject, not the object,of God's revelation.

Catherine of Siena writes this beautiful line from God's perspective on her seeking to know God: “She seeks me in the wisdom of my Son, and I satisfy her by placing His wisdom before the eye of her intellect.” I can read that line over and over, and it never seems less profound. Through it, I can see where God was.

Romans 1.20: "Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made." Where God was/is/and shall be.

13. Touch lamp + Table Saw = 10 Fingers.

2009-01-13T09:17:00.000-06:00

12. Rules of the Road.

2009-01-13T08:24:00.000-06:00

Go and take a quick 20-question drivers test at MSN Money.

I got a 95.

I wish the standards for the state tests were higher. I think the standard was lower when I took the test in Missouri back in June of '93, 'cause I could swear that I got one point above passing with a 70-something. I shouldn't have been on the road; I had my permit for two months when I got my license.

To get an international rivers license for the Army, up to at least 1998, it used to be a 150 question timed test (50 sign IDs and 100 traffic questions) and you had to get 90% on it.

How you compare

The average score for MSN Money readers is	81
The average score for your state is	83
The average score for men is	83
The average score for women is	78

Average scores by age

15-24	75
25-34	80
35-54	82
55-64	82
65 and over	80

It bothers me that there are two demographics with failing averages and no demographic average got higher than three points over passing. Missouri beats Texas by one point. I know where that point is.

In East Texas, people use the shoulder as an extra lane. If you don't feel like driving the posted 65 or 70 mph on a state route, just drive 55 on the shoulder. Making a left-hand turn onto a shouldered road? Drive slowly, crossing all lanes of traffic and use the far-side shoulder as an entrance ramp. On more than one occasion, I've seen a shoulder-driver swerve back into traffic (and almost into another car) because of something blocking the shoulder. Like a tire. Or a slow moving farm tractor. Or a broken down car. Or a pedestrian. If someone behind me is moving faster than I am, I get the distinct impression that I'm expected to drive on the shoulder rather than them pass me in the traditional sense. Especially if this happens in a no-passing zone.

Did I mention that this is illegal in the state of Texas?

I'm done ranting.

I missed this one 'cause I over thought it (Don't read it yet if you haven't taken the test):

6.

When you are merging onto the highway, you should:

Your Answer: Enter at the posted speed limit on the freeway.

Right Answer: Enter at or near the same speed as the traffic on the freeway.

11. Credo Blogging: Prolegomena or First Things.

2009-01-12T10:50:00.000-06:00

I'm going to blog my credo. I feel that this may help kill my superwhatevers. I don't know how, but I just have this hunch that it will. I have nine chapters, and so there will be at least nine Credo Blogs. I found my notes and I may make additional comments about each chapter or chapter part.

First Things

Paul teaches that, we are to work out our own salvation in fear and trembling all the time, being aware that God is at work in us.[1] Systematic theology is more than pointless pedantic pedagogy. The theologian must remember that, unlike pure sciences, the goal is not the furtherance of knowledge for knowledge’s sake, but instead for the sake of glorifying God. In my first semester of seminary, I lost sight of that fact and found myself the victim of my own academic pride. By October, I discovered that my grade in Greek I was irreconcilably a failing one, and I humbly withdrew from the course. In my undergraduate studies, I easily gained mastery over several aspects of behavioral science with honors. However, I find Christian theology different in that, “God, through His revelation, becomes Lord over me.”[2] One may master realms of secular knowledge, but the theologian is always the servant of the knowledge of God.

Again, Paul writes “There is no one who has understanding, there is no one who seeks God.”[3] Humanity on its own cannot find out about God, nor does it want to. One cannot effectively study Christian theology outside the scope of divine revelation. Theology is a matter of God working through and within the theologian, the seeker, the believer, and the worshiper as he or she works out the means and meaning of salvation. Anything short of God’s divine guidance in such endeavors is vanity and chasing after the wind.[4]

One can only legitimately view creation from a Christocentric perspective, and that anything that does not correlate with that perspective is inherently untrue.[5] Luther asserts that God does not want to be—and cannot be—understood outside the context of Christ, citing John 1.18, “No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is close to the Father’s heart, who has made him known.” However, the problem arises, how does one determine how “reality is properly viewed”? Current and emerging realities and understandings must be checked against what Abraham calls canonical heritage:

The Church did not simply commit herself to a canon of scripture, she also committed herself to a whole nexus of canons, that is, to a canonical heritage of scripture, saints, teachers, liturgical practice, creed, iconography, episcopacy, and the like. These were not grand norms of truth, justification, and knowledge; they were truly effective means of grace that, with the guidance and energy of the Holy Spirit, enabled vulnerable, fragile people to become saints and martyrs.[6]

God gives the gift of this canonical heritage to the Church; and in turn, the Church has adopted, taught, defended, protected, and preserved it. It is by these means of grace that one may properly view reality within the continuing history of the church.

As a United Methodist, I find it necessary to write briefly on the Quadrilateral. The divisions in the canon that the Wesleyan Quadrilateral makes are artificial and ultimately allow one to “know” the Christian message by means no different from functional atheism. The lines between scripture, tradition, experience, and reason blur due to their interdependence and make such distinctions useless. Additionally, The Book of Discipline, calls these four the sources of Christian understanding.[7] Regardless if one appeals to scripture, tradition, experience, or reason he or she is truly appealing to divine revelation as the source of Christian understanding. Ultimately, knowledge of God comes by faith,[8] which God gives to all in some measure. Scripture, tradition, experience, and reason are simply taxonomical tools for keeping straight in our heads the knowledge of God revealed to us.

With my reliance of what I know set firmly within divine revelation as transmitted through the canonical heritage of the church by the Holy Spirit, I will proceed with the bulk of my credo. This is an account of both what I believe and what I want to believe. As the father in Mark 9.24 cries out to Jesus, “I believe; help my unbelief!” so it is with me.

Next Credo Blog: God.

[1] Philippians 2.12-13.

[2] Stanley Grenz, in Essentials of Christian Theology, 31.

[3] Romans 3.11.

[4] Ecclesiastes 2.26.

[5] Robert Barron, The Priority of Christ, 191.

[6] William Abraham, Scripture and Christian Theology.

[7] The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church: 2004, 77.

[8] Rudolf Otto, in Invitation to Christian Spirituality, 378.

10. A Chain of Unfortunate Events.

2009-01-12T10:31:00.000-06:00

Beth is on her way to her office so she can get some quiet time to write a paper for a class. She kisses me goodbye and walks out the door. I hear the car start. Then the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and its Beth.

I pick up and say, "Why are you calling? You can't even be out of the driveway yet."

She ignores my question. "Find a radio and listen to 93.1, right now," she says.

"Why?"

"Just do it. Quickly."

"OK. Bye."

I get up from my chair, walk from teh office to the living room and turn on the radio. It takes me a moment to remember how to change thre band and frequency. I find 93.1.

This is what I hear.

9. Friday Five: Pancakes

2009-01-08T23:50:00.000-06:00

1. Scratch or mix? Buttermilk or plain? Ummm...pancakes. Are they delicious? Then put one in my mouf. By the way, did you know that the original ending of Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men" talked about pankakes?

2. Pure and simple, or with additions cooked in? Simple. Why ruin a perfectly good pancake with putting stuff inside?

3. For breakfast or for dinner? Yes, and lunch, too. And second breakfast. Elevensies. And don't forget supper.

4. Preferred syrup or other topping? How about the best side dish? Maple syrup and butter. Lately, since I've been trying to watch Points, I've been using fake butter and low sugar syrup, but real whipped butter and maple is the awesomest. As for a side, pork sausage in any form. Or bacon. Get just a little bit of syrup on the bacon or sausage and its the greatest. But make sure to save at least one piece for after the pancakes are done. That way you can use it to cleanse the palate so you can drink your orange juice (if you ran out of milk, that is).

5. Favorite pancake restaurant? IHOP. Duh. Although, my true love is the waffle.

Bonus: Any tasty recipes out there, for pancakes or other tasty breakfast dishes?

8. Stupid Apple...

2009-01-08T12:03:00.000-06:00

I was eating an apple and I bit the inside of my mouth.

I thought eating apples were good for you, but instead, they just make you bite your own face.

Stupid apples...

7. I Knew It All Along: Fat Doesn't Necessarily Mean Unfit.

2009-01-07T23:25:00.000-06:00

I could stand to lose a few pounds. Actually, more than a few. I'd like to get down to about 190 or so.

Why 190? I was in the best shape of my life at 190. I could crank out 82 push-ups in two minutes, 92 sit-ups in the same time, run a five minute mile, any distance from two to 10 miles at a 7-minute/mile pace, and cover 10k under a 100lb load in 75 minutes.

They say the older you get the faster/stronger/tougher you were.

Cassius Clay always said, it ain't braggin' if its true. Of course I was 21, not 31.

Anyway...

I only made my height/weight chart once. At 5'9", I was supposed to be a maximum of 165 lb. with a body fat percentage of less than 20%. I made that right out of Psyop AIT. I was "slim" but I wasn't particularly fit. I could only score 189 out of 300 on the Physical Fitness test. 180 was minimum standard in the Army, and 210 was the minimum for Special Ops, which I was.

I remember three First Sergeants arguing at the Battalion office over who was going to have to take the weakling. That made me feel great.

So I started hitting the gym hard-core and in the next six months I put on 25 lb and raised my PT score to a 285. But at 190 lb, I didn't meet the height/weight standard. Though I really could do the things I mentioned above, I was considered fat. The skinny people that I was stronger than and faster than actually said I was not fit to be a soldier. If you haven't been able to tell, this bothered me greatly. (Its customary to give all outgoing soldiers, whether changing units or leaving service, a medal or award for their time in service--I didn't get one. My commanders and sergeants considered my 3 1/2 years in my company worthless because I was leaving "fat." My First Sergeant said that to my face).

Finally, I have been vindicated. By science, no less.

People with strong cardiovascular function, regardless of their size, are healthier and live longer than their sedentary counterparts....Being fit can even trump being thin: People who were fat but fit had a survival edge over those who were skinny but inactive.

- Consumer Reports Health Blog - Fat But Fit?

But weight, there's more (pun spelling intentional).

...fitness is more important than fatness. In fact, the most common measure of excess weight—the body mass index, or BMI—is probably an inaccurate measure of overall health precisely because it doesn't reflect fitness very well (emphasis mine)

- Consumer Reports Health - Hefty and Healthy (You gotta love the alliteration in these titles)

My BMI is currently 32.8; 30 is obese. I'd have to be 164 lb to barely make "normal" body composition.

Another article highlights the continued debate:

...two large studies [were] published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2006. One, of over 1.2 million Korean men and women, found that mortality risk began to increase even in those who were only moderately overweight. The other, an analysis of more than 500,000 members of AARP, had similar findings.

But with time comes perspective. The researchers still point to differences in study design, but say that their findings match on a few key issues:

Being very overweight remains a significant health risk. Often overlooked in the coverage of the CDC study was that outright obesity was associated with the highest death rate.

Very thin people also face a higher risk, perhaps because low weight may stem from advanced age, disease, or smoking.

The standard measure for excess weight, BMI, doesn't do a good job of assessing health, particularly for people who are moderately overweight.
- Consumer Reports Health - The Excess Weight-Debate (alliteration out; rhyming in!)

What this looks like to me is the typical error of confusing correlation with causation. Obesity (according to the BMI) is often correlated with unfit. Obesity--just like getting winded climbing a single flight of stairs--is a symptom of overall unhealthiness, not the cause. Ice cream sales go up at a similar rate as crime in the summer, but that doesn't mean ice cream causes crime. Both are a symptom of increased temperatures.

Being labeled the fat kid has hung over my head my entire life. Being the fat kid has always played against me, overshadowing ever aspect of my life. Perhaps if we started looking at overall fitness and not size, shape, and weight as indicators of unhealthiness, perhaps fad diets would be a little bit less prevalent. If we could have pride in being healthy instead of being pretty, maybe there would be fewer eating disorders such as anorexia/bulimia and we would be an overall happier people. If we started measuring quality of life rather than quantity of flesh, perhaps we could start to love ourselves like God loves us. We could be fat, skinny, and everything in between, and yet we could still be more whole.

6. Viral Evangelism.

2009-01-07T22:42:00.000-06:00

Well, it's not really evangelism per se, but it is a means of communicating information about the UMC using available cheap/free media. So, if your Methodisty (that's right, Methodisty), post this in your blog and lets see how many hits on this video we can get in the next week.

(If you would like to save time, you can copy and paste this as the post: (you can also change any part of it that you would like to)

Kevin Watson at http://deeplycommitted.com has started an experiment to see how much social capital Methodist bloggers have. This experiment was prompted by the feeling among some Methodist bloggers that United Methodism does not always do as good of a job as it could at getting the Wesleyan message out there, particularly on-line. So, he wants to see how many views a YouTube video can get if Methodist bloggers work together to promote it. The experiment is to see how many hits the video will receive in two weeks.

If you want to participate you can: First, watch the video below. Second, copy and paste this entire post into a new post on your blog and post it. Third, remind people about this experiment in one week.

Based on the results of the experiment, Kevin will get in touch with the folks at Discipleship Resources and let them know the ways in which Methodist bloggers are often an underused resource.

5. Vision

2009-01-07T10:14:00.000-06:00

This is part of my scripture reading from today; Hebrews 11.1-7:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction ofthings not seen....By faith we understand that the universe was created bythe word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of⁽things that are visible.
...By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household.

I follow Bishop Job's Guide for Daily Prayer. As I began my prayers of thanksgiving and petition--after reading the scripture lesson--I think I had a vision.

I saw Lowe's hardware store. Inside. At the entrance. Everything was gone. It was just rows of empty shelves. Everything was white.

Then it went away. End of vision.

I don't know what it means.

Now, the rationalist in me says that its because I went to Lowe's last night or that I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind a few days back. Or that my mind is so riddled with ADD that I can't concentrate more than a minute into my prayer time. But it felt so weird; like dreaming while awake. Does it have anything to do with the killing of my Superwhatevers? Is it of God? Is it just misfiring synapses?

4. Killing My Superwhatever.

2009-01-05T14:13:00.000-06:00

I'm reading Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis.

It's good reading. It's good thinking.

So I get to chapter four and a section called "My Soul" and Rob spells out my biggest problem. My biggest sin.

I'm trying to be what other people are telling me what to be. The sin is, I'm not trying to be what God has made/called me to be.

Rob tells about a breakdown he had when the expectations of "superpastor" nearly did him in. He came to the conclusion that he needed to kill his superpastor. take it out back and put it out of its misery.

He writes on page 116:

I meet so many people who have super whatever rattling around in their head. The have this person they are convinced they are supposed to be, and their superwhatever is killing them. They have this image they picked up over the year of how they are supposed to look and act and work and play and talk, and it's like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear.

And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot first...

You have to kill your superwhatever.

And you have to do it right now.

Because your superwhatever will rob you of today and tomorrow and the next day until you take it out back and end its life.

Go do it.

I read this section to Beth, and she made me do what I was too sacred to do. I named my superwhatevers.

Some explanation:

I can't handle not knowing something. In both the healthy way and the not so healthy way. It's a safety thing and its an ego thing. Knowledge makes me feel like in control. I hate looking ignorant. Looking, not being--hence ego.

I'm not sure if I love the UMC or if I live the idea of the UMC or what the difference is between the two. I know that I'm not trusting God how I should be. In the spring of 1996 God told me to be a pastor (I heard it with my own ears). What I didn't hear God say was "Be a United Methodist pastor." I just assumed since that's the flavor of Christian I was that was where God wanted me. It may be where I need to be. I don't know at this point. However, it would be foolish to assume that, or to put trust in the Candidacy Process that is rightfully due God. I shouldn't confuse the two.

I have always struggled with pleasing others. Call it oldest child syndrome or whatever. I heard on the Writers' Almanac today a quote from Herbert Swope, " I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody."

Sometimes pleasing the denominational powers that be is not pleasing God. Sometimes pleasing your congregation is not pleasing to God. Sometimes pleasing yourself is not pleasing to God. So I need to please God first and foremost. Something I've never been good at. I can't let the fear of displeasing DCOMs, DSs, congregations, or myself make me fail at pleasing God.

I think the kids call that "selling out."

I've be resisting counseling (something I know I need) because it may just tell me something I don't want to know. Or lead me down a path I don't feel safe traveling. I feel trapped, and trapped is cozy in some sort of perverted way. I know that the Gospel--and living it fully--is the truth and truth is freedom, but it scares the shit out of me.

I was in counseling for my anger. It helped me to become someone who is not defined by his anger. But anger is a secondary emotion. I was angry because I was sacred. Anger motivated me. But for the past year, I’ve had a hard time doing anything.

Because the fear still remains, and fear is paralyzing.

So I’m trying to find out what God wants/made me to be. What I’m not meant to be. What I look like to God and what that looks like to me.

Jim Ozier put it this way; If you don’t figure out who God wants you to be, then everyone else will do it for you.

I’m going to go kill my superwhatevers.

Pray for me. I’m scared.

Hebrews 10.35-39

³⁵

Do not, therefore, abandon that confidence of yours; it brings a great reward. ³⁶For you need endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. ³⁷For yet

‘in a very little while,the one who is coming will come and will not delay; but my righteous one will live by faith. My soul takes no pleasure in anyone who shrinks back.’

³⁹But we are not among those who shrink back and so are lost, but among those who have faith and so are saved.

3. Finally!

2009-01-05T13:31:00.000-06:00

After 31 year of life on this planet, I have--just now--achieved something that I've always wanted to be able to do.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...

The hand fart.

Now, onto the armpit fart.

2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2009-01-03T00:05:00.000-06:00

Beth's folks and sister came down to celebrate Christmas with us last weekend. Sunday night we went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was neat; it had a feel reminiscent of "Forrest Gump" and "Legends of the Fall." It's worth a matinee fare.

Anyway, I checked out the IMDB write up and discovered that its based off of a F. Scott Fitzgerald short story of the same name from a collection called "Tales of the Jazz Age." I just finished reading it at readbooksonline.net. The first two parts are a bit rough, but once you get moving, it is worth your time.

I think I'll read a bit more here; click around a bit. I'll post if I find anything worthwhile.

1. What Was I Doing, Again?

2009-01-01T23:28:00.001-06:00

What a strange way to begin the new year.

When I dragged my butt outta bed today at the crack of ten, I sat down at the computer to get some things done. I don't think I moved until 7ish or so, with the exception of getting a bite to eat and things that you have to do because you had a bite to eat.

I can't remember the last time I was so focused on a task. Or rather, three tasks. I complied a list of possible scripture texts on which to preach for the next six months using lectionaries from four different church traditions. I then cross-referenced my preaching schedule with texts on which John Wesley had written and published sermons. I put together three daily bible studies: the first will cover 2 Kings; the second, Mark's Gospel; and the third, Acts of the Apostles and John's three epistles. I paired a every daily reading with a thematically similar Psalm as a guide for prayer. I did this while watching the entire first season of Fringe.

Did I just find the cure to my ADD by submitting to it? Do I need to be doing two or three things at a time to get stuff done? I can't even feed the cats without being distracted. I wander off between scoops of Meow Mix. Maybe if I fed the cats while cleaning the bathroom and writing a paper for Moral Theology I could be successful in all three.

But I don't think it works like that every time, though. I mean, I think they're some sort of combo of just the right things, not just any two or three things, like the Joker's Smilex chemicals in the 1989 Batman movie. Just less lethal. For example, music distracts me too much; I want to sing along--or worse yet, find the chords and play along. I pay too much attention to NPR podcasts. Classical music on Pandora seems to work alright, but I have that option to give each piece a thumbs up or down. Anyway, it's pointless if I waste time trying to find the right blend of tasks so that I can be optimally productive.

So, I'm depending on the good Psychology students at Texas A&M Commerce to diagnose me, and proscribe the proper drugs so I can start getting on with life.

I've Been Sayin' it For Years

2008-12-17T09:27:00.000-06:00

Romantic comedies will ruin your love life.

I've always said it about Disney movies in particular; specifically the princess movies.

Fact.

2008-12-15T22:33:00.001-06:00

Character Flaw

2008-12-12T14:18:00.000-06:00

I was just thinking...this isn't about any specific event, just my ruminations.

I used to like confrontation. I got a kick out of it. I'd look for fights.

Now I hate and fear confrontation. But not because of what the other person might say or do.

I'm more afraid of what I might say. When confronted or confronting, I can say some deeply hurtful stuff before I realize the full magnitude of what I've said.

You see, I have a wicked sharp tongue that moves much faster than my brain. I refined it in the Army as a survival tool in a hyper-masculine environment, but I've had this "ability" since I was a teenager. I can't really joke around by trading insults; its kinda like playing laser tag with a real gun option on the zapper. With a faulty safety switch.

This is not a good thing.

I have a love/hate relationship with it. I want to hate it more and love it less. But admittedly, the broken part of me still loves it.

I realize its a power and fear thing. Words are powerful. When afraid, I can unleash some serious hurt and verbally dominate those I fear. I really don't like it that its in me. Its like being Bruce Banner. I gotta stay calm, or the Hulk shows up.

I'm not sure if something like that can be undone or unmade; just controlled...sublimated. In the book, Ender's Game, Ender Wiggin was the weapon that he was because of both his empathy and his ruthlessness. His intense empathy allowed him to quickly and instinctively understood his opponents so that his ruthlessness could exploit weaknesses as to deal lethal blows; Ender never fought a fight twice. I feel like Ender sometimes. What allows me to have the compassion I have is what also enables me to hurt others so quickly and easily.

I'm working on it. I'm getting better.

If I've ever hurt you by something I've said or done, I am deeply sorry.

Friday Five: Windows of the Soul

2008-12-12T09:54:00.000-06:00

1. What color are your beautiful eyes? Did you inherit them from or pass them on to anyone in your family?
Green. We'll see in another couple three years whether or not the kid gets my green or Beth's blue eyes. Beth's hoping for a green-eyed red-haired kid (Beth's a red-head). We hope the kid'll also inherit my eyesight and Beth's hairline (she's blind without glasses; I started balding at 18).

2. What color eyes would you choose if you could change them?
I like 'em green. But if I were going to change them, I'd go either with a more vibrant green, or the other way, and wash them out to a gray-green.

3. Do you wear glasses or contacts? What kind? Like 'em or hate 'em?
I don't. I used to have 20/15 vision, but now its more 20/20; perhaps worse. I figure I'll need reading glasses in another decade or two, like my mom. I kinda like the way glasses look on me, and I have an automatic violent reaction toward things getting too close to my eyes.

4. Ever had, or contemplated, laser eye surgery? Happy with the results?
Of course I've contemplated laser-eye surgery. I've wanted to be a robot since I was a little kid. Such an upgrade would naturally include laser-eyes. But replacement laser eyes are so expensive, and I don't have adequate health care to help pay for the surgery; anyway, it'd probably be counted as cosmetic. Even if laser-eye surgery was an option, my renter's insurance would go through the roof. I mean, I could blow up part of the house if I looked the wrong way. The Board of Trustees would kill me.

5. Do you like to look people in the eye, or are you more eye-shy?
I probably look people too intensely in the eye. I'm just weird like that.

I Gotta Get Me One of Those.

2008-12-09T11:59:00.000-06:00

Who Will Save the Sane?

2008-12-08T09:24:00.000-06:00

I got this from Luther Punk.

Put your iTunes or MP3 player on shuffle

~For each question, press the next button to get your answer
~YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
~Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

10 people? No way. Do this if you wish.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
By the Way - Red Hot Chili Peppers

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
It Looks Like You - Even Dando

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Megaman 2 - The Miniboses

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Gear Fight - Kevin Manthei from the Invader Sim Soundtrack

There's no video, just sound.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The World's Address - They Might Be Giants

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Prototype - Outkast

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Gender Bombs - The Stills

WHAT IS 2+2?
Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leopard

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Green Disease - Pearl Jam

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Long - Chevelle

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Needles - System of a Down

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Died in Your Arms Tonight - Chicago

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
P.I.M.P. - 50 Cent (Easily the best answer in the list.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Chi 'n' Stu - System of a Down

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Possum Kingdom - The Toadies (IRL, It was actually, To Be With You - Mr. Big)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Outshined - Soundgarden

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
In the Middle, In the Middle, In the Middle - They Might Be Giants

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Supermodel - Cataphasia

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Gold's Gym Guy - The Rugburns

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Gay Not Gay - King Missile (Ummm...)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Going Down - Godsmack (Uh.)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Taxi Driver - Stephen Lynch

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Waking Up - Even Dando

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Swallow the Knife - Story of the Year

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Master of Puppets - Metallica

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The House at the Top of the Tree - They Might Be Giants

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
The Fastest Longest Line - NOFX

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Who Will Save the Sane? - Type O Negative

Back to Wesley, With a Vengence.

2008-12-04T10:52:00.001-06:00

You Scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

93%

Roman Catholic

71%

Emergent/Postmodern

71%

Neo orthodox

68%

Classical Liberal

54%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

46%

Modern Liberal

43%

Reformed Evangelical

39%

Fundamentalist

Names

2008-11-17T16:52:00.000-06:00

This meme was too easy to pass up.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names)
Donald Lynn. Plausible.

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad )
Lloyd Floyd. Yeah, that's right.

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)
Bo'kurt. That's lame.

4.DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color, fav animal)
Green Badger. OK, that's just stupid.

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)
Matthew Como. I guess that works.

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav alcoholic drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Red Old Peculiar. Meh

7. FLY NAME: (first letter of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Ker. What the hell is a fly name?

8. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie):
Cake Batter Cookie Dough Chocolate Chip. Has a nice rhythm to it. And its got alliteration goin' for it. Which is nice.

9.ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name)
Merdock Lynch. It coulda been Wesley or Luther Lynch, but Merdock sounds better. However, Luther Lynch has alliteration, of which I am a fan.

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Wesley Runge. Kinda dirty...kinda not.

My Canned Response to Email Forwards About the Illegal Immigrants

2008-11-14T22:03:00.000-06:00

Those of us who worship the one God of Israel, as revealed to us in Christ Jesus, and witnessed by the Holy Spirit, understand that the law of Moses is summed up in just two commandments:

1. Love God with everything we have.

2. Love others as if they were ourselves.

As John writes in his first letter, if we say we love God, but we don't love those who God loves—in the same way that God loves them—then we are liars regarding our loving God. Therefore, if we claim that we love God and others, how then are we to live out this love as it relates to a specific set of "others"?

Now, I'm not very good at politics, but I consider myself a halfway decent theologian. Therefore, I turn to the scriptures to help shape my view on what to do about the aliens in our midst.

Again, if we lay claim the heritage of God's chosen people—Israel—we must look to their history. Once upon a time, Israel was a group of "others" living in a foreign land. They had left behind the land of Canaan where they had been born, to travel to Egypt, a place where they could support their families. When they left Egypt, God reminded them that they were once the unwelcomed and oppressed "others"—they should never treat the "others" in their midst as they had been treated by Egypt.

The thing is, no matter where we live, we are all aliens. All of us are alike in this. None of the land that we own, in which we live, give name to, or work, is really ours. It belongs to the one who created and sustains it by divine will alone. We are the "others" living in the world to which God lays ultimate claim. This is not only remembered in the law of Moses, but also in the stories of King David.

One doesn't have to read much of the Old Testament to see that Israel soon forgot what it was like to be the "others" in a land with people who are hostile toward them. And just a quick scan through the prophets illustrates how God reacts toward such behavior. Zechariah reminds Israel of how God punished them first with Assyria's invasion and later with their defeat by, and exile to, Babylon.

Here's the good news. Christ died to offer all the people of the world his shalom—peace brought about by a state of wholeness. He allowed his body to be broken so that by his crucifixion he could make all of humanity whole. To be a disciple is to put behind us the divisions of race, ethnicity, language, geography, nationality, and heritage. Ours is one shared heritage, and that is the heritage of the people of God. We are to be agents of this shalom.

As Christians, we are no longer citizens of one nation or another, but we are citizens of the kingdom of God and are the brothers and sisters of its sovereign ruler, Jesus the Christ. Being a disciple of Jesus and a subject of God's kingdom may lead us down a path where we may be a poor citizen of our nation. But nations are temporary. The Kingdom of Heaven is forever.

Friday Five: Positive Potpourri Edition

2008-10-31T14:41:00.000-05:00

1) Your work day is done and the brain is fried, what do you do?
Go to sleep. Unconsciousness is the only way to end the work day.

2) Your work week is done and the brain is fried (for some Friday, others Sunday afternoon), what do you do? I don't really have a day that is the end of the week. My week apparently has a Eastern (circular, repetitive, and never ending), rather than a Western (linear,clearly defined beginning and endings, unique events in history) view on time.

3) Do you have 'stop everything' tv programming or books or events or projects that are totally 'for you' moments? I stop for Heroes and sometimes Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I used to stop or Life and House M.D., but I just don't have the time anymore. When I reach a burn out point, I catch up with webcasts of my favorite shows. I'm so busy right now that I've even stopped working out. I don't think I'm in an emotionally or physically healthy place right now. Spiritually, I'm doing better than I have in a long while...so I got that goin' for me.

4) When was the last time you laughed, really laughed? What was so funny? I don't remember. I know I must havefairly recently, but I don't recall. Hey, isn't theis supposed to be positve potporri?

5) What is a fairly common item that some people are willing to go cheap on, but you are not. Food. I always pay the premium for healthier stuff.

Bonus: It's become trite but is also true that we often benefit the most when we give. Go ahead, toot your own horn. When was the last time you gave until it felt good? Well, I'll toot someone else's horn in the process of answering this. The church is ramping up to do Advent Consiracy. Beth and I are giving donations toward clean water for Christmas intead of worshiping, I mean, shopping at the mall this year. I working on convincing my generation of family members to do the same; some have already signed on. So, we're fixin' to give until it feels good. It feels good now, just planning for it.

I Didn't Know...

2008-10-27T00:32:00.001-05:00

Friday Five: Coin Toss Edition

2008-10-17T10:39:00.000-05:00

1) When was the last time you flipped a coin or even saw one flipped in person? I flipped a coin a few weeks back while teaching confirmation. I had bought my confirmands notebooks with which to journal and take notes, and two girls wanted the same notebook (they were pretty notebooks). To settle the dispute, I referred back to a long lost John Wesley tradition; I "drew lots" by flipping a coin.

2) Do you have any foreign coins in your house? If so, where are they from? I do. Let's see...England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Israel, Mexico, Honduras, and El Salvador. I may have a Canadian penny or two, as well.

3) A penny saved is a penny earned, they say. But let's get serious. Is there a special place in heaven for pennies, or do you think they'll find a special place in, well, the other place? I don't get it. What other place? Illinois?

4) How much did you get from the tooth fairy when you were a child? and if you have children of your own, do they get coins, or paper money? (I hear there may be some inflation.) I got silver half dollars, and a few old school silver dollars.

5) Did anyone in your household collect the state quarters? And did anyone in your household manage to sustain the interest required to stick with it? Nope. Neither of us are really collectors of things. I used to be, but I gave that habit up because there's already enough tension in my life between being an itinerant pastor and my hatred for packing and moving.

Throwing My Hat Into the Ring

2008-09-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not satisfied with either of my choices, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.

Here's the press release.

HT: Mom

I'm Sneaky....Like an Atlantic Cod.

2008-08-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

I'm Kurt and
I'm a Atlantic Cod.

I, For One, Am Glad He's Not Pursuing the Clown Vote

2008-08-30T09:48:00.000-05:00

Obama Loses The Crucial Clown Vote

By shunning the traditional balloon drop in favor of fireworks, Obama is basically spitting in the face of both the helium tank and party store industries (two of our nation's most important industries), while revealing his campaign to essentially be in the pocket of the powerful pyrotechnics lobby.

From: A.V. Club

Menace to Society...

2008-08-15T09:51:00.000-05:00

is how the United Methodist Book of Discipline describes gambling. It goes on to say that gambling is "deadly to the best interests of moral, social, economic, and spiritual life, and destructive of good government" (BOD 2004, 163.G). I fully agree with this statement. Jeremy over at Hacking Christianity has an excellent post on the matter.

The folks over at Church Marketing Sucks seem to have a different opinion. Apparently a Florida Lotto winner, who is also a church goer, won the lottery and tithed $600,000 dollars to his church. The pastor refused it. Good for him.

However, true to my wonderful/horrible habit of not being able to let things be as they are, I can't help but think of a statement that Joseph makes shortly after this week's lectionary Old Testament lesson.

Check out Genesis 50.19-21. Go ahead. I'll wait. Got it?

OK, why couldn't the church use this as reasoning to accept lottery winnings? Of the two choices--accept the money and use it for good or reject the money as a social witness--which displays obedience to God (or to God through the teachings of the church)? Which more greatly displays faith (trust in God's promises made through Christ's proclamation of the good news)? Which is more righteous (simply doing good and abstaining from doing harm, as I think Wesely might say)?

What's more important, the means, or the ends?

Classes.

2008-08-14T21:41:00.000-05:00

This past spring I made a royal goof when it came to registering with classes. I was in the middle of writing (or rather staring blankly at the computer screen while struggling with writer's block) my credo. I realized 12 hours after the opening of registration that I had forgotten to register. I'm going into my fifth semester of my eight classroom semesters, and my preferred class selections are becoming a little bit tighter. The one class I really wanted was Intro to Preaching with Alyce McKenzie. I made a promise to myself that I would take classes with the best instructors Perkins has to offer, and from all that I've heard, Dr. McKenzie is the one.

So, by the time I got to registering, all three 12-person classes of Intro to Preaching were full. In fact, almost all my top picks were full. So, I started the wait-list game. Luckily, I was able to get United Methodist History with Ted Campbell, but I was waiting on Pastoral Care/Family Systems and Preaching. Family Systems came through last month, and Preaching came through today. Let me tell you, I was third on the waiting list for McKenzie; the registrar told me I never had a chance. HA! I win waiting!

Anyway, I'm stoked. It went from a truly craptastic semester to the perfect semester over a nerve-wracking four months. AND, I'll only be at school three days, leaving at 2:00 PM Tuesday and returning by 7:30 PM Thursday. My last two semesters were horrible; I'd leave Monday evening, sometimes as late at 8:00 PM because of Monday night meetings, and return around 1:00 PM Friday.

The one draw back is that I won't be able to attend Soul Food, a lectionary-based Bible study organized by Billy Abraham. Hopefully he'll still be having breakfast with students at La Madeleine's Thursday mornings.

I'm still not emotionally, mentally, or spiritually ready for school to start. I had no idea that Systematic Theology would hurt so badly. So it goes. At least I'll be back with a racquetball crowd (Perkins Paddle Rackets Club, or the PPRC) in which I have a chance to win a game every once in a while. Beth is freakin' brutal.

Dark Knight...By Kids, For Kids!

2008-08-13T10:25:00.000-05:00

OK, ya gotta get past the doofs at the beginning, but after that, its good.

The Dark Knight - Kids Edition! (wizarduniverse.com) @ Yahoo! Video

HT: Jeremy at Hacking Christianity

Jesus Christ Threw Up the Horns?

2008-08-13T01:50:00.000-05:00

The title of the post is from a Penny Arcade comic called Der Hornen. It's neither safe for work, nor safe for those who are easily offended.

New Favorite Catchy Tune.

2008-08-01T07:08:00.000-05:00

I've heard this song every day this week at the gym, and ya know, I'm not annoyed as all hell by it.

That means a lot.

There are two videos for it. The original one is embedded below. Another one--newer--can be found here. I think they're both good for different reasons.

Oh, I guess I should tell you, the song is called I Can Ride My Bike With No Handlebars by Flowbots.

Friday Five: What's in a name?

2008-07-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

1. So how did you come up with your blogging name? And/or the name of your blog?

Ya ever have one of those moments where, despite your best efforts, you come to the painful realization that things just are not turning out the way you intended them? I was having one of those evenings in regard to a friend of mine with whom I was romantically infatuated. Long story short, I was commiserating with my friend Brian when we went over to his sister and brother-in-law's house. Shaun, a wonderful Christian man (I was still in my Christian-deist phase), saw my distress and gave me a foam-rubber stress penguin. After that and watching Silly Songs with Larry with Brian's family, I was feeling much better. That night I put the penguin in the inside pocket of my metal-spiked black leather biker jacket where he lived for many years. Now he sits on my bookshelf; most of the paint cracked or missing due to rough travel and a lot of use.

When that same girl taught me my first bit of html code, I began blogging before blogging was cool. I wanted a mascot image for my page. I didn't have a digital camera, but I did have a scanner...so I put the little guy on the scanner bed and hit "scan". It worked. ( you can see where his big toe is pressed in against the scanner glass)

The StressPenguin tag line used to be "good for squeezin'", 'cause it was. but I changed it a while back to "squeezin' the crap out of black/white thinking". I'm not quite sure that there's much in the world that can be prperly catagorized as either black or white. Most issues don't even fit within various shades of gray. I think most things, at best, can be catagorized somewhere along the full electromagnetic spectrum..to take the analogy to the end. In other words, I think few things are simple.

2. Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there?

The closest thing I have to secret identities or code names is the use of pronouns. I'm just not that clever.

3. What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun?

Porpoise Driven - Erin loves Jesus and Dophins
The Blog of Derek von Barnhart - my cousin and his hometown.
internetmonk - just something about the image of an electronic monastic order is really cool. And so is Michael Spencer who runs the show.
Real Live Preacher - I sometimes think that if I were older, wiser, and Baptist, I'd be Gordan Atkinson. I love his tag line: I had this funny picture in my head of a freak-show barker shouting, "Come, Se a Real Live Preacher!"
Bandits no More - Just like the other dude on the cross. I enjoy the profundity of it.
Locust & Honey - by John the Methodist. Locust & Honey! Get it? I like plays on words.
Grace Happens - and so does other stuff, but its better to be focused on the grace.
Growing Where I'm Planted - The best advice ever found in a blog title.

4. What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals of course!

A ton...or 76. I use Google Reader, now, so it'd take an eternity (or most of the morning) to list them all.

5. Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why?

I kinda just started doing it on my own before I knew what "blogging" was. I wanted to be able to keep friends and family up to date with what was going on in my life without sending email.

Bonus question: Have you ever met any of your blogging friends? Where are some of the places you've met these fun folks?

I met Richard Heyduck from "Bandits No More" at a fish fry.

NoahBlog

2008-07-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

Some pure comedy gold from the Wittenburg Door.

Day 1
Rain.

Day 2
Rain.

Day 3
Rain.

Day 4
Rain.

Day 5
Rain.

Day 6
So I was loading up the last of the animals last week when I walk past my neighbor Roger, the Molech-worshipper. He looks up and says "Hey, looks like rain."

True story.

Day 7
Now wondering if it was wrong to have borrowed Roger’s hedge clippers.

You can reed the rest of it here.

Friday Five- Fireworks Edition (A Day Late)

2008-07-05T19:13:00.000-05:00

I'm not big on holidays that aren't on the church calendar. But since everyone else I know is into the 4th of July, I find myself celebrating, anyway.

So lets have a bit of fun:

1. Barbecue's or picnics ( or are they essentially the same thing?)

They can be the same thing. I prefer BBQ (or grilling) at home on the Weber Kettle. Burgers basted in Maull's BBQ sauce are the best.

2. The park/ the lake/ the beach or staying at home simply being?

For this holiday, stay at home. Less drunks.

3. Fireworks- love 'em or hate 'em?

Beginning to hate them. Booze + public places + explosives = stoopit/dangerous.

4. Parades- have you ever taken part- share a memory...

Nope. Just Christmas parades in St. Louis while in marching band. Again, you'd have to get me to go out in public on Booze and Explosives Day. Beth and I did see a 4th of July parade in Pagosa Springs, Colorado while we were on our honeymoon two years ago. It was cool; the local Jeep club was in it.

5. Time for a musical interlude- if you could sum up holidays in a piece of music what would it be?

The only patriotic-ish song I like is Battle Hymn of the Republic. It's the only one we're singing tomorrow in worship.

Friday Five: Summer Reading

2008-06-27T10:37:00.000-05:00

1) Do you think of summer as a particularly good season for reading? Why or why not?

Summer and Winter are the most awesomest times to read. I read text books all school year long. For the three months of summer and the two months of winter break I read mostly fiction and nonfiction books I want to read.

2) Have you ever fallen asleep reading on the beach?

Yep. Beth and I were in Puetro Vallarta in January. i fell asleep reading Terry Pratchett's "Thud."

3) Can you recall a favorite childhood book read in the summertime?

I didn't have just one. I read a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation novels, and a ton of Stephen King and Dean Koontz when I was in middle school. I remember one year at band camp I read King's "The Stand." That was over 1000 pages for a sixth grader.

4) Do you have a favorite genre for light or relaxing reading?

Fantasy, science fiction, and books about zombies. Right now I'm reading Kim Paffenroth's "The Gospel of the Living Dead" and the last in Orson Scott Card's Ender series, "Children of the Mind."

I'm taking a break from "The New Creation: John Wesley's Theology Today" by Theodore Runyon and a reread of "The Norton Anthology of Contemporary Fiction, 2nd Ed."

5) What is the next book on your reading list?

Let me consult the bookshelf (a.k.a. the top of the toilet)...

In order of priority:

Rant - Chuck Palahniuk (Borrowed from Sister Beth)
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman (Borrowed from Sister Beth)
Earthy Mysticism: Spirituality for Unspiritual People - Tex Sample (This was my 30% off purchase at the Annual Conference Cokesbury table.)
Dangerous Wonder: The Adventure of Childlike Faith - Mike Yaconelli (A gift to Wife Beth from the church where we were volunteers in the youth ministry)
The Fully Alive Preacher: Recovering from Homiletical Burnout - Mike Graves ( A gift from Mother-in-Law Sue)
User Friendly Churches - What Christians Need to Know About the Churches People Love To Go To - George Barna
Postmodern Pilgrims - Leonard Sweet
The Rebirth of Orthodoxy - Thomas Oden
Mere Christianity - C. S. Lewis (I've never read it. I know, I'm a bad Christian. And it's #9 on my list, so that's not helping)
Following Jesus Without Emarrassing God - Tony Campolo

Disturbing and Sad.

2008-06-26T13:14:00.000-05:00

I tend to not engage in political discussions because it brings out a side of me that I don't like in myself, and often in others with whom decide to engage me as an opponent. However, after seeing thins, I'd like to share it with no further comment.

Childhood Dream In Real Life.

2008-06-07T09:17:00.000-05:00

It looks like science fiction to watch it. Special effects. But its real. And super cool. Check it out:

Rocket man flies into record books at 180mph

New Cat, But Not Really.

2008-06-07T08:16:00.000-05:00

You know why God had people burn sacrifices? I would venture that its because a dead rotting animal literally and figuratively stinks to high heaven. So does the sent of a BBQ, but at least it smells good. Up until yesterday morning I have never had the pleasure (or displeasure) of having something sacrificed to me. But when I opened the door to the garage yesterday, I found that I had an offering--about half of a barn swallow--presented before me.

Let me back up a bit. We have kind of adopted another cat. Or rather, she has adopted us. This little girl is a small gray and brown calico who has been hanging around the church and the parsonage for about the past month. She is incredibly friendly and forward--on several occasions she has attempted to come into the church and has successfully sneaked past me as I've come in the house.

Anyway, this little cat has taken up residence in our garage (we have no garage door, but that's a different story) and spends most of her time asleep on the sunroof glass of the Mazda. I guess its cooler than the sheet metal. The minute I walk outside the door, she greets me with a mow and a rub up against my leg. If it's not too hot, she'll follow me to the church. When I pull into the garage, she magically appears on either the hood of my car before I even turn it off, or is waiting to the side for me to open the car door. I'm starting to (Beth would argue, I already have) fall in love with this cat.

But we can't take it in. That would make us cat people. Never mind the increase of our yearly cat expenses would go up 50% (although we're already feeding her). To have her spayed would be super expensive--Luther's neuter was costly, and that procedure is simple. And Luther and Wesley don' t like her at all.

But school just let out, and that means a small army of mean, bored kids wandering the streets. This cat is too friendly for her own good. I don't want our adopted outside cat to be killed, either by bored kids, hungry dogs, or inattentive/cruel drivers. She's my cat, now; and I'm her human. I don't want to take her to a shelter, but I'm not content leaving her outside. And as far as Wesley and Luther are concerned, I think they;d get used to her. It took Wesley six months before he stopped trying to eat Luther. It's just a matter of time to make kitty friendships. And if we manage to keep this cat for the next two years, I want to take her with us to our new appointment. I'm a big softy when it comes to animals, if you haven't noticed.

I'm so conflicted. Beth says that if we take it in, it will be just a matter of time before another cute cat will come along and I'll want a fourth one. I can stop at three. Three's a good number, you know, Trinity and all that.

It's Beth's fault anyway. I was ignoring the cat just fine until Beth picked her up and loved on her after church one day. Up until that point, it was just a fuzzy meowy thing that followed me around. Now its Our Cat. Kiddo. Little Girl.

I want that cat.

Two Things Meme

2008-06-05T09:36:00.000-05:00

I took this from Iris at Growing Where I'm Planted.

Two names you go by:
1) Kurt
2) ummm...Pastor Kurt?

Two things you are wearing right now:
1) 12 year old ratty Army PT shorts. The old gray cotton short shorts, not the new spiffy black long shorts.
2) a goatee

Two of your favorite things:
1) laying in bed with Beth
2) Post exercise muscle soreness

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1) to have a real moment of rest
2) to lose about 25 pounds

Two favorite pets you have or had:
Maggie-dog and Wesley and Luther. You can't make me chose between my two cats.

Two people you hope will fill this out:
anyone who wants to!

Two things you did last night:
1) Prepared Sunday's prayers and printed out the scripture readings in 16-point font.
2) Ran eight ten-yard starts

Two things you ate last night:
1) Popcorn & M&M's
2) Honey-Nut Scooters with vanilla soy milk

Two people you last talked to:
1) Beth
2) Abbie (the church's lay leader)

Two things you are doing tomorrow:
2) Flip a tractor tire
3) carry a 100 lb. anvil

2 farthest trips taken in the last 5 years:
1) Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for vacation with Dad and Rosa this past January
2) Pagosa Springs Colorado for our honey moon two years ago in July

Two favorite holidays:
1) Holy Week
2) Christmas

Two favorite beverages:
1) Can't beat a good lemonade
2) Hot apple cider

Lost and Found and Stabbed Through the Hand.

2008-06-04T11:40:00.000-05:00

I had an eventful day yesterday.

I went to my second WeightWatchers meeting yesterday. Now, I did WW a two yeas ago and I dropped from 269 to 201 in about nine months. Then we moved to Texas and I slowly started putting weight back on. After finishing credo, I found myself at 230 lb. I've gained about 1 pound a month since starting seminary. That trend needs to stop, as I have three more years to go. I lost five pounds since last week, weighing in at 225. Not bad for a first week, but I probably need to slow it down to about 2-3 lbs a week to do this healthily. My goal is to be able to fit back into a pair of 32 inch cargo shorts by the middle of August.

Then I went to Subway for lunch. After eating a tasty sandwich, I went to the bank. That's when I realized that I no longer had my wallet. Doing everything in my power not to panic, I drove back to Subway to find that someone turned it in to the manager. Sheala, a family member of some folks at church and a former church daycare employee was working at that Subway that day. She didn't have my number, so she called her niece Journey who is in the youth group Beth leads, Journey called Beth, then Beth called me. By then, I already had my wallet, but it was cool to see the urgency and resourcefulness of everyone trying to help.

Then I went to the gym. Yesterday was Pull-up day. I take off my wedding ring to do pull ups because it pinches my finger when hanging from the bar. I ended the hour and a half workout with some floor-based abdominal exercises. As I was gathering my stuff from my locker to go home, I noticed that my ring was neither on my finger nor on my pocket. Luckily, when I returned to the spot I had been doing abs, the ring was there on the floor, right where it slid out of my pocket.

Then I was at home unloading the dishwasher with Beth. I reached into the utensil basket and drove the tip of a steak knife into the heel of my hand. Even though putting the steak knives in point down tend to bend the tips, that's the way they're going for now on. I'd rather that, then bleeding, pain, and a string of curse words any day.

The end.

*Update*

Apparently the lost and found part is contagious. Beth lost her purse today, but found it at a school where she did some counseling. I just hope the stabby part doesn't catch.

Good to know...

2008-06-03T11:19:00.001-05:00

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Chick Flick

2008-05-31T12:33:00.000-05:00

As an act of satisfaction the sins of dragging Beth to see Transformers and The Forbidden Kingdom, I had to go see "Sex and the City" last night.

Now, I have a love/hate relationship with the TV show. I...uh...love....it because it really does have some hilarious lines. I also associate strongly with both the archetypes of Miranda--the outspoken cynic--and Charlotte--the nearly unshakable optimist. I don't really care one way or another about Samantha--the promiscuous one.

I just want this to be clear. I do not watch Sex and the City. Beth watches it. And I'm often in the same room with her. Looking in the general vicinity of where the television is located.

Anyway, what I really can't stand about the TV version of Sex and the City is the main character, Carrie Bradshaw. She's everything I hate. Self-absorbed, self-important, shallowly existential, just shallow in general, and she never, ever, ever, ever, EVER learns from her mistakes.

But the movie is different. And when I mean different, I mean, it finally redeems a character who I thought was hopelessly unredeemable. This movie will preach. I'm not kidding in the least. Without giving away too much of the plot, the major theme revolved around forgiveness and the destructive power in not forgiving. Minor themes were self-sacrifice, the dangers of keeping secrets, the follies of consumerism and me-ism, the virtues of friendship and unconditional love, among others I'm sure I missed. It's truly a great conversation movie.

It was an entertaining movie, all in all, once you get used to Chris Noth's creepy botox face. So guys, if you're reluctant to give in to your wife/girlfriend's desire to drag you along to a so-called "chick-flick" stop being like Carrie, and get over yourself. It's not so bad. Take if from a guy who happens to be in the room when the show is on.

Tryin' Reeeal Hard.

2008-05-30T16:01:00.000-05:00

I had to get a refill for my allopurinol, which helps prevents my gout. Allopurinol usually works well for one's entire life. But every once in a blue moon, even after years of use, it can suddenly--and sometimes fatally--damage one's kidneys. So before the doctor will give me another year's script, they test to see if my kidneys are about to blow up.

No worries. The kidneys are still kickin'.

Anyway, because I've reached the ripe old age of 31, the doc wanted to run a lipids test.

Results were....not good.

I blame the credo. And Steak 'n' Shake. I stress eat.

Anyway, my total cholesterol count was 211. My HDL was too low. My LDL was too high. My triglycerides were almost double what they should be.

So I've reexamined my diet and have found it lacking, specifically in my poly- and mono- unsaturated fats. That's where the good HDL comes from. I don't eat too much of the saturated fats, a source of bad LDL. And I already eat a lot of fiber, but I still need to increase my intake by about 30%.

so here's my strategy: I'm starting to eat oatmeal.

I'm trying reeeeealy hard to like it.

I'm an epically picky eater. I'm both a "texture" and a "taste" picky eater.

It has the consistency of vomit, minus the acidic aftertaste and with a light and pleasant cinnamon taste.

I suspect the vanilla soy milk helps. I'm not going to try it with water or regular milk.

Next on my list is trying to like V8 juice. Maybe I'll try that fruity stuff they make.

It's either do that, or die of a heart attack or stroke. Or take cholesterol controlling drugs. I'd rather slug down some gross juice and eat warm cinnamony tasting puke food on a daily basis than those other options.

So, here's to health and long life!

Somehow, I Always End Up as the Religious Guy.

2008-05-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

This is evidence to my continuing slide toward Rome.

And my love for hitting things.

My Goal as Pastor

2008-05-07T02:25:00.000-05:00

My goal's as pastor are simple to list, difficult to initiate.

It's very Zen. Or rather, very meek, if you prefer Christian language to Buddhist.

I want to teach my congregation what it means to truly care for "the least of these" but I want them to figure out how they are to do that in their context.
I want my congregation to invite and encourage others to come and worship, but I don't want to be the primary reason they show up, come back, or stay.
I want my congregation to hunger for a closer relationship with Jesus Christ and to ask me to help them find the means to grow in holiness and go on to perfection in love, but I don't want to set up programs and classes and then advertise/market/beg to get people to come begrudgingly.
I want my congregation to ask me to go with them to visit the new family in town, not to tell me I need to go find out about the new people.
I want my church to call meetings so they can discuss how they can be a changing force in the world in the name of Jesus Christ, rather than me calling meetings because The Discipline dictates them, and having less than a quorum show up.
I want to make suggestions through which the congregation can be creative in serving God, but I don't want to make initiatives in which the church feels obligated to comply.
I want my congregation to tell me about sick friends, family, and church members, so I can visit and pray with those people in addition to the congregation, rather than instead of them.
I want a church that, when it makes a mistake or a bad decision, accepts fault, learns from it, and tries to better next time, rather than blame the pastor or give up.
I want to be a meta-minster who ministers to the laity through teaching, loving, empathizing, and encouraging. The laity--equipped, loved, and assured--then go out and minister to each other and to the world.
When I go on to my next charge, I want every ministry the church is doing to go full steam ahead, even after I'm gone.
I want my congregation to say of me, "he was a good pastor" but not be able to really put my name on anything that the church did, or credit me as the main reason a ministry was done, during my tenure there. Hell, as long as they're doing ministry, I really don't care if they simply tolerate me.

I believe that sometimes doing nothing intentionally and well is infinitely more effective than doing something or anything simply for the sake of doing. Inaction is action; we forget that in western culture. Intentional inaction doesn't build resumes, get the sweet appointments, or pave the road to the Episcopacy, but I believe--properly employed--it is instrumental in empowering laity.

Though I don't really expect it to ever happen, my goal in every appointment is to work toward putting myself out of a job (not to be confused with getting fired).